I came across this in thestaronline's ParenThots section today. The link to the article is here. Or I've copied it below.
Excuse me, are you a Tiger Mum?
17 August 2011
TEENS & TWEENS
By CHARIS PATRICK
Amy Chua’s controversial memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother details her strict parenting style which includes no sleepovers, play dates or TV. In addition, the American author and Yale Law School professor talks about the virtues of drilled academic learning and intensive daily practice on the piano and violin. With a stroke of her razorsharp pen, the mother of two teenage girls has set most well-intentioned parents wondering: Is this the right parenting style? Does it really work?
Even though it feels like we respond to our teens on a case-by-case basis, our decisions have a lot to do with our parenting styles, which are shaped by the way in which we combine our warmth and affection for our teens with structure and discipline.
Years of research have categorised four different parenting styles, each of which contributes to various characteristics in teens. If you are not a self-confessed Tiger Mum, see if you can identify with any of the following styles:
Authoritarian parenting
In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to comply usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply: “Because I said so.” These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children.
According to US clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, these parents “are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation”.
Authoritarian parenting generally breeds obedient and proficient children. They, however, rank lower in happiness, social competence and selfesteem.
Authoritative parenting
Like their authoritarian counterparts, the authoritative parents establish rules and guidelines that they expect their children to follow. However, this style is much more democratic. These parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions.
When children fail to meet their expectations, they are more nurturing and forgiving, rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive.
Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, self-regulated and co-operative”. An authoritative parenting style tends to result in children who are happy, capable and successful, according to US psychologist Eleanor Maccoby.
Permissive parenting
Sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, they have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their progeny because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control.
According to Baumrind, permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are non-traditional and lenient, do not require mature behaviour, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation”.
Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent. The children will probably rank low in happiness and self-regulation. And they are more likely to experience problems with authority and perform poorly in school.
Uninvolved parenting
This is characterised by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfil the child’s basic needs, they are generally detached from their child’s life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect their children’s needs.
Uninvolved parenting ranks lowest across all life domains. Their children may lack self-control and have low self-esteem, and are less competent than their peers.
How do you know your parenting style? It can be helpful to consider these questions:
- How clear are you about boundaries and the rules of the house?
- What do you do when the rules are broken?
- How comfortable are you in hearing your teen’s opinions and suggestions, and alternatives?
- How often do you find yourself explaining your reasoning?
- Do you know who your kids’ friends are? Their parents?
- How comfortable are you with compromise?
- Do you have to nag your teen to get things done?
- How often do you feel like your teen is taking advantage of your good nature?
If you are interested in finding out your parenting style, there are a number of websites that offer free quizzes. The best way to use this kind of information is not to criticise yourself, but identify your strengths and weaknesses. Having more knowledge on how you parent can help you to grow in the areas that you deem important.
Below are a few recommended sites for parenting quizzes:
www.parenting.com/Mom/signalPatterns.jsp
www.activeparenting.com/Parents-Parenting_Style_Quiz
www.parentstoolshop.com/HTML/quiz.htm
parenting.quiz.kaboose.com/11-what-syour-parenting-style
While you discover which style you use, we will discuss the most suitable style and the role change necessary for parenting teens and tweens in a fortnight. Till then, happy parenting.
Charis Patrick is a trainer and family life educator who is married with four children.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Too much toilet time
C loves to read. When she is doing something she considers boring like eating or when she's on the 'throne', she has to read. When she gets her hands on a book, she'll not put it down until she's read the last page. We have difficulty getting her to stop reading during such times. While reading is a good habit, I feel, like in everything we do, there's a time and place for it.
Reading during mealtimes takes your attention away from enjoying your food and the company of the people you are eating with. You miss out on bonding time, sharing and talking with your family members.
Many people read while sitting on the 'throne'. I think that there's nothing too wrong with that except that when most people do that, they tend to spend a longer time in the toilet. It's alright if you are self-disiciplined and stop reading once you're done. With C, she can spend between half to an hour in there, even if she's done what she's supposed to do within 15 minutes. My main concern is that it is not a physcially healthy habit. Sitting too long on the toilet can cause hemorrhoids. As it is, she is sometimes constipated and has to strain.
Pressure to the anal veins, due to improper diet and straining causes the veins to become irritated and swollen, resulting in hemorrhoids. Sitting for too long on the toilet, like when you read in the toilet, also causes strain to the anal veins.
Here are some links for further information:
Mayo Clinic info
National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse (NDDIC)
Hemorrhoid - Understanding Its Causes and Symptoms
And here's an excerpt from an article in Esquire dotcom:
Explains Dr. David Gutman, founder and lead physician of Advanced Hemorrhoid Specialists, "Hemorrhoids are derived from anatomical structures called anal cushions — like small balloons — embedded within the wall of the anal canal. When abdominal pressure is increased, these cushions instantly fill with blood to form a hydraulic seal to help prevent leakage.
"If the anal cushions become stretched out or get irritated, they are called hemorrhoids and can cause bleeding, itching, pain, and the protrusion of tissue through the rectum," the last condition also known as Jimmyfallonitis. "Sitting on the toilet too long can increase pressure on these anal cushions, which may eventually cause them to become hemorrhoids."
But doc, how long is too long?
"Well, you shouldn't be reading on the toilet. Bowel movements should be quick. I know people like to read in the bathroom, and what I would recommend is once they are done with the movement — if they insist on wanting to stay and read — they should wipe, flush, put the toilet-seat cover down, and sit on that. It's almost like sitting on a chair."
Reading during mealtimes takes your attention away from enjoying your food and the company of the people you are eating with. You miss out on bonding time, sharing and talking with your family members.
Many people read while sitting on the 'throne'. I think that there's nothing too wrong with that except that when most people do that, they tend to spend a longer time in the toilet. It's alright if you are self-disiciplined and stop reading once you're done. With C, she can spend between half to an hour in there, even if she's done what she's supposed to do within 15 minutes. My main concern is that it is not a physcially healthy habit. Sitting too long on the toilet can cause hemorrhoids. As it is, she is sometimes constipated and has to strain.
Pressure to the anal veins, due to improper diet and straining causes the veins to become irritated and swollen, resulting in hemorrhoids. Sitting for too long on the toilet, like when you read in the toilet, also causes strain to the anal veins.
Here are some links for further information:
Mayo Clinic info
National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse (NDDIC)
Hemorrhoid - Understanding Its Causes and Symptoms
And here's an excerpt from an article in Esquire dotcom:
Explains Dr. David Gutman, founder and lead physician of Advanced Hemorrhoid Specialists, "Hemorrhoids are derived from anatomical structures called anal cushions — like small balloons — embedded within the wall of the anal canal. When abdominal pressure is increased, these cushions instantly fill with blood to form a hydraulic seal to help prevent leakage.
"If the anal cushions become stretched out or get irritated, they are called hemorrhoids and can cause bleeding, itching, pain, and the protrusion of tissue through the rectum," the last condition also known as Jimmyfallonitis. "Sitting on the toilet too long can increase pressure on these anal cushions, which may eventually cause them to become hemorrhoids."
But doc, how long is too long?
"Well, you shouldn't be reading on the toilet. Bowel movements should be quick. I know people like to read in the bathroom, and what I would recommend is once they are done with the movement — if they insist on wanting to stay and read — they should wipe, flush, put the toilet-seat cover down, and sit on that. It's almost like sitting on a chair."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Putting it on paper
When C gets her hands on freebie spiral notebooks, empty school exercise books, or one of the few fancy cartoon-character pocket diaries in her collection, she will scribble, write or draw all sorts of things that come to her mind. Over the years, there's quite a pile of these half-used notebooks lying around.
She's written stories of her own in some of them. Some are short stories, some longer ones complete with prologue and chapters. She's designed 'game books' ala computer games, she's drawn pictures of her current craze whicb usually involve the books she's been reading. And then in some, she's jotted down her feelings, usually those of daydreams like a few years ago, her crush on a boy (not joking, and she was only 6 then!), or those of dissatisfaction and anger.
Her handwriting is not the nicest and if she were to participate in a 'best handwriting' contest, I can be certain that she'll not win. There are times when she's disinterested or impatient, especially when it comes to schoolwork, that her handwriting will be the most atrocious and sometimes totally illegible. She just doesn't care when it comes to being 'forced' to write things she doesn't like. But when it comes to writing on her own free will on a subject that she's interested in, like writing her own story, she can write pages and pages of words that are reasonably legible with proper punctuation even. She is one who does things only when she's interested and wants to, not because she has to, is forced to, or fears the consequences if she doesn't. I think there's pros and cons to such character....It's a challenge to draw the line and keep her in line where this is concerned.
And even in anger, she's able to write systematically. I came to this conclusion when I chanced upon a notebook she titled Who I Hate (original edition). I chuckled when I read it, and wondered what the 'original edition' meant. Inside, she wrote the date on the top right hand corner, and on the first line, the name of one of her teachers. Then on the next line was "Why: 4 reasons" and proceeded to list the four reasons in numbered format (talk about being systematic!). And those four reasons were actually valid, in my opinion. At the bottom of the page, she ended with "no one else" i.e. that's the only person she 'hated' at that time of writing. The rest of the notebook has been empty since that first jotting of 29 March.
While some parents might think I'm invading my child's privacy by reading her jottings, I feel that at this phase when she's still young (she's only turning nine later this year), it is still okay for me to find out things that she sometimes does not tell me verbally. Most of the time, she does express verbally her thoughts and feelings, especially when she feels strongly about something. It's important to know her 'inner workings' to better understand and deal with her. As she grows older, the privacy issue can come into the picture as respecting their privacy and giving them their own space will hopefully teach them to behave responsibly, knowing that we have entrusted them with the responsibility to know and do what's right.
Of course, verbal communication and sharing thoughts, feelings and problems every now and then is also important so that they know we're there for them when they need our support and understanding, and especially when it comes to the future turbulent teenage years.
Conscious parenting is certainly not a breeze!
She's written stories of her own in some of them. Some are short stories, some longer ones complete with prologue and chapters. She's designed 'game books' ala computer games, she's drawn pictures of her current craze whicb usually involve the books she's been reading. And then in some, she's jotted down her feelings, usually those of daydreams like a few years ago, her crush on a boy (not joking, and she was only 6 then!), or those of dissatisfaction and anger.
Her handwriting is not the nicest and if she were to participate in a 'best handwriting' contest, I can be certain that she'll not win. There are times when she's disinterested or impatient, especially when it comes to schoolwork, that her handwriting will be the most atrocious and sometimes totally illegible. She just doesn't care when it comes to being 'forced' to write things she doesn't like. But when it comes to writing on her own free will on a subject that she's interested in, like writing her own story, she can write pages and pages of words that are reasonably legible with proper punctuation even. She is one who does things only when she's interested and wants to, not because she has to, is forced to, or fears the consequences if she doesn't. I think there's pros and cons to such character....It's a challenge to draw the line and keep her in line where this is concerned.
And even in anger, she's able to write systematically. I came to this conclusion when I chanced upon a notebook she titled Who I Hate (original edition). I chuckled when I read it, and wondered what the 'original edition' meant. Inside, she wrote the date on the top right hand corner, and on the first line, the name of one of her teachers. Then on the next line was "Why: 4 reasons" and proceeded to list the four reasons in numbered format (talk about being systematic!). And those four reasons were actually valid, in my opinion. At the bottom of the page, she ended with "no one else" i.e. that's the only person she 'hated' at that time of writing. The rest of the notebook has been empty since that first jotting of 29 March.
While some parents might think I'm invading my child's privacy by reading her jottings, I feel that at this phase when she's still young (she's only turning nine later this year), it is still okay for me to find out things that she sometimes does not tell me verbally. Most of the time, she does express verbally her thoughts and feelings, especially when she feels strongly about something. It's important to know her 'inner workings' to better understand and deal with her. As she grows older, the privacy issue can come into the picture as respecting their privacy and giving them their own space will hopefully teach them to behave responsibly, knowing that we have entrusted them with the responsibility to know and do what's right.
Of course, verbal communication and sharing thoughts, feelings and problems every now and then is also important so that they know we're there for them when they need our support and understanding, and especially when it comes to the future turbulent teenage years.
Conscious parenting is certainly not a breeze!
Organic Farming > Conventional Agriculture
This is an article I found in Scientific American.
Ten years ago, Certified Organic didn’t exist in the United States. Yet in 2010, a mere eight years after USDA’s regulations officially went into effect, organic foods and beverages made $26.7 billion. In the past year or two, certified organic sales have jumped to about $52 billion worldwide despite the fact that organic foods cost up to three times as much as those produced by conventional methods. More and more, people are shelling out their hard-earned cash for what they believe are the best foods available. Imagine, people say: you can improve your nutrition while helping save the planet from the evils of conventional agriculture – a complete win-win. And who wouldn’t buy organic, when it just sounds so good?
Here’s the thing: there are a lot of myths out there about organic foods, and a lot of propaganda supporting methods that are rarely understood.
Read the rest of this article here.
Ten years ago, Certified Organic didn’t exist in the United States. Yet in 2010, a mere eight years after USDA’s regulations officially went into effect, organic foods and beverages made $26.7 billion. In the past year or two, certified organic sales have jumped to about $52 billion worldwide despite the fact that organic foods cost up to three times as much as those produced by conventional methods. More and more, people are shelling out their hard-earned cash for what they believe are the best foods available. Imagine, people say: you can improve your nutrition while helping save the planet from the evils of conventional agriculture – a complete win-win. And who wouldn’t buy organic, when it just sounds so good?
Here’s the thing: there are a lot of myths out there about organic foods, and a lot of propaganda supporting methods that are rarely understood.
Read the rest of this article here.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sun & Surf with the MPO
Every two months, the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra (MPO) will present a weekend programme called Family Fun Day. It is a great way to introduce children to orchestral music in a fun, colourful and interactive manner. Last Sunday was one of them which ACE took the opportunity to enjoy. The Orchestra titled their performance 'Sun and Surf' and it was truly apt for this season of summer that many countries experience at this time of the year. Although here in Malaysia it is sunny all year round, many of the orchestra members come from countries with the four seasons and are looking forward to taking a summer break for some R&R from their hectic performance schedule.
When we mention 'orchestra', we tend to think of having to sit in our formal wear in a dim but grand hall, seriously concentrating on classical music played by the orchestra which members are all dressed formally in black gowns, suits or tuxedos with the conductor striking his most intense pose, baton in hand. No clapping in between movements, no shuffling in your seat and god forbid if you start chatting or coughing, or worse, allow your phone with its Lady Gaga ringtone shock the audience. No noisy kids or crying babies. It is an activity for the 'cultured' some would say.
But at Family Fun Day (note: they included the word 'fun'!), it's totally different. The dress code is smart casual (no sports attire, sneakers, slippers, jeans) and you can bring children. Children feature prominently on Family Fun Day. Now back to Sun and Surf. The usually boring rich wood-paneled stage with its rows of black chairs and music stands was decorated with just enough props of fake coconut trees and children's rubber ring floaties to let you know that you've arrived at the right place. And when it was time, an announcement was made to remind us to turn off our handphones. Then the entire orchestra, dressed in colourful floral shirts, many of them holding their instruments, walked onto stage! What a sudden burst of colours that changed the entire ambience. Some donned straw hats and sunglasses too!
Usually at Family Fun Day, there will be a presenter on stage to introduce the songs that will be played, giving a short background story of the song and its composer. He/she also gets the audience movin' and groovin' with some physical activities like getting the audience seated at one end of the hall to bounce a ball to audience at another end (that was at a previous performance we attended), standing up to do actions, dance and clap along, answering fun questions, and some kids also get to go on stage to do stuff.
At Sun & Surf, the presenter stepped onto stage with a rather large straw hat, gaudy Hawaiian shirt and shorts, beach slippers and gigantic plastic-framed sunglasses, giving everyone a bright and cheery greeting. He then introduced the condcutor who was also dressed in a blue floral shirt and huge sunglasses. They looked really funny. But this did not steal the limelight from the amazing, mesmerising, foot-tapping, hand-clapping music the orchestra played marvelously well that made you feel like getting off your seat to dance along -- which I could see many cute children doing with their parents swaying along. The presenter also got us to do some actions such as making wave-like motions, sunshine actions, flamenco finger snapping, clapping and at the finale, we all got to get up and shake or dance.
Songs that were played included (Sir) Cliff Richard's Summer Holiday, the classic Hawaii Five-O theme, Herb Alpert's Spanish Flea, an African lullaby (which included the use of the vuvuzela of the Fifa World Cup fame - a young girl got to go on stage to give a few blows into it), Rimsky-Korsakov's Capriccio Espagnole and the popular Brazilian Carnavale music. A male Brazilian-looking dancer came onstage and managed to persuade a female cellist to join him dancing to the lively Carnavale at the finale.
The array of instruments, besides the regular ones in a typical orchestra, that were used and highlighted through their respective solo parts also helped the audience learn the names, hear the sounds and see what they looked like. Other than the vuvuzela, there were the cowbell and timbales, glockenspiel, marimba, and castanets. The electric guitar and modern drum kit were on stage too. Listening to music played live in a concert hall by an orchestra is a totally different experience from just listening to it over the radio or watching it on TV or Youtube. Your entire body is involved and all your senses just come alive watching the various instruments and musicians in action and listening to how they all blend.
Family Fun Day is a good and exciting way to enjoy classical (and pop) music and widen our musical knowledge and experience. I would recommend all families, especially those with young children, to attend this event. Ticket prices are affordable from as low as RM15. It is held bi-monthly on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Photography and video recording of the performance is not allowed so I'm not able to include any pictures in this post. I hope my description of it helped to give you an idea of what ACE enjoyed last Sunday at the Dewan Filharmonik Petronas with the MPO.
Check out this website to learn more about the MPO and the many things it has to offer. Other than concerts, they have activities such as forums, chamber/ensemble performances, master classes, and talks.
When we mention 'orchestra', we tend to think of having to sit in our formal wear in a dim but grand hall, seriously concentrating on classical music played by the orchestra which members are all dressed formally in black gowns, suits or tuxedos with the conductor striking his most intense pose, baton in hand. No clapping in between movements, no shuffling in your seat and god forbid if you start chatting or coughing, or worse, allow your phone with its Lady Gaga ringtone shock the audience. No noisy kids or crying babies. It is an activity for the 'cultured' some would say.
But at Family Fun Day (note: they included the word 'fun'!), it's totally different. The dress code is smart casual (no sports attire, sneakers, slippers, jeans) and you can bring children. Children feature prominently on Family Fun Day. Now back to Sun and Surf. The usually boring rich wood-paneled stage with its rows of black chairs and music stands was decorated with just enough props of fake coconut trees and children's rubber ring floaties to let you know that you've arrived at the right place. And when it was time, an announcement was made to remind us to turn off our handphones. Then the entire orchestra, dressed in colourful floral shirts, many of them holding their instruments, walked onto stage! What a sudden burst of colours that changed the entire ambience. Some donned straw hats and sunglasses too!
Usually at Family Fun Day, there will be a presenter on stage to introduce the songs that will be played, giving a short background story of the song and its composer. He/she also gets the audience movin' and groovin' with some physical activities like getting the audience seated at one end of the hall to bounce a ball to audience at another end (that was at a previous performance we attended), standing up to do actions, dance and clap along, answering fun questions, and some kids also get to go on stage to do stuff.
At Sun & Surf, the presenter stepped onto stage with a rather large straw hat, gaudy Hawaiian shirt and shorts, beach slippers and gigantic plastic-framed sunglasses, giving everyone a bright and cheery greeting. He then introduced the condcutor who was also dressed in a blue floral shirt and huge sunglasses. They looked really funny. But this did not steal the limelight from the amazing, mesmerising, foot-tapping, hand-clapping music the orchestra played marvelously well that made you feel like getting off your seat to dance along -- which I could see many cute children doing with their parents swaying along. The presenter also got us to do some actions such as making wave-like motions, sunshine actions, flamenco finger snapping, clapping and at the finale, we all got to get up and shake or dance.
Songs that were played included (Sir) Cliff Richard's Summer Holiday, the classic Hawaii Five-O theme, Herb Alpert's Spanish Flea, an African lullaby (which included the use of the vuvuzela of the Fifa World Cup fame - a young girl got to go on stage to give a few blows into it), Rimsky-Korsakov's Capriccio Espagnole and the popular Brazilian Carnavale music. A male Brazilian-looking dancer came onstage and managed to persuade a female cellist to join him dancing to the lively Carnavale at the finale.
The array of instruments, besides the regular ones in a typical orchestra, that were used and highlighted through their respective solo parts also helped the audience learn the names, hear the sounds and see what they looked like. Other than the vuvuzela, there were the cowbell and timbales, glockenspiel, marimba, and castanets. The electric guitar and modern drum kit were on stage too. Listening to music played live in a concert hall by an orchestra is a totally different experience from just listening to it over the radio or watching it on TV or Youtube. Your entire body is involved and all your senses just come alive watching the various instruments and musicians in action and listening to how they all blend.
Family Fun Day is a good and exciting way to enjoy classical (and pop) music and widen our musical knowledge and experience. I would recommend all families, especially those with young children, to attend this event. Ticket prices are affordable from as low as RM15. It is held bi-monthly on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Photography and video recording of the performance is not allowed so I'm not able to include any pictures in this post. I hope my description of it helped to give you an idea of what ACE enjoyed last Sunday at the Dewan Filharmonik Petronas with the MPO.
Check out this website to learn more about the MPO and the many things it has to offer. Other than concerts, they have activities such as forums, chamber/ensemble performances, master classes, and talks.
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