Looking back -- 2015 and 2016

Since my last post here, there have been many events, activities, milestones that I've yet to record, more for myself to remember. I'm glad that Facebook has this Facebook Memories feature that reminds you of what you posted on the exact same date one, two or however many years ago since you joined FB (as long as you didn't delete the old posts).

Today, FB reminded me that two years ago on 4th January 2015, it was the first day of school.  This year, the school term started yesterday.

In 2014, Caitlin started her secondary education in a new school. It is actually what we call a 'learning centre', which is quite a common thing now in Malaysia. Learning centres are privately set up places that run like a school but on a smaller scale. These 'schools' offer private education -- international school curriculum, mostly the UK-based curriculum, although there are some which offer USA-based ones using various homeschooling curriculum, Australian-based or religious-based ones. Unlike full-fledged international schools that charge very high school fees, these learning centres are more affordable. They, however, do not come with expatriate teachers, fancy facilities like tennis courts, Olympic-size pools, large teaching and admin staff, broad spectrum of extra curricular activities and elective subjects. For parents who can't afford exorbitant school fees yet have decided to opt out of the public school system, they would either homeschool their children themselves at home (it has caught on and grown quickly here), or look to such learning centres for adequate coverage of academic subjects and extra-curricular activities without the fancy frills.

When C started in this learning centre for Year 7 in 2014, I was offered a teaching position in the pre-school section in June 2014. It was my first time going back to a full-time job after nine years of staying at home. As the assistant teacher to a class of 25 five-year-old children, it proved to be too much. The hours were long and the salary didn't match the work and stress involved, simply because the industry norms are such in this country. The class teacher I was assisting took advantage of having me as her assistant, the school despite not having a qualified special needs teacher, accepted a special needs student in that class. Needless to say, after two months, I decided to quit because I couldn't stand the stress -- more time was spent in trying to manage disruption, scolding, punishing, than providing a caring and conducive learning environment.

However, I remained as a subject teacher where I focused on teaching the children phonics reading on a one-on-one basis. That continued for a little over 1.5 years, until February 2016 when I decided it wasn't worth my time and energy traveling twice -- for my work and then to fetch C, as her school hours were different from mine.

My voluntary work at church, which I started in late 2013, was also taking up some of my time, in addition to the existing commitment of writing a fortnightly column since 2012.

Fast forward to the present, three years later....what took place in between has been shared mainly in this post. So now I'm sharing from where I left to fill in some gaps for 2015/6.

Highlights of 2015 and 2016 in pictures:

April 2015 was when Eugene turned 50. We had a family feast at home with his family.

My two nieces from USA came to Malaysia for a visit in June/July 2015. It was good spending time with them for some cousin bonding! Precious moments to cherish.

Thirty years after we left Form 5, our class organised a reunion in November 2015. About a third of the class made it for the reunion where we visited our old school and had hi-tea at the Majestic Hotel in Malacca.

Right after we graduated from university, four of us gal pals made a trip to Pulau Besar in Malacca. In November 2015, 20 years later, we decided to re-live our trip by getting together in Bentong for two nights of food and relaxation. It took some planning between the four of us busy bees to find a suitable date but we made it!

In December 2015, my church held is bi-annual Christmas Cantata. Caitlin and I participated in the one in 2013 but this time, only I took part, singing in the alto section.

Also in December 2015, Caitlin passed her Grade 3 drum exam with distinction, and performed in her music school's annual concert. Since then, she has moved on to Grade 5 and has also taken up the electric guitar.

In late 2015, Eugene and I attended the Alpha Parenting course at my church, culminating with the final session in Teluk Intan in January 2016 as my Pastor had been transfered there in December 2015. It was a good time of getting together with the fellow parents of this course, our children and a few other church members who came along to join us in visiting our pastor and playing tourist in Teluk Intan. This pictures show us at the leaning tower of Teluk Intan.

In February 2016, we celebrated Chinese New Year. Every year, we would have the reunion dinner and also spend the first day of CNY with Eugene's side of the family. On the second day, we went to my parents' home and feasted again.

In March 2016, Caitlin wanted to add on a cymbal to her drum kit, so we encouraged and helped her to raise funds for the purchase by baking and selling chocolate and coffee chip cookies. She did all the baking and I helped with advertising, packaging and delivery. After some sweat and agony of hard work, she made quite a fair bit of money, and with the pocket and angpow money she had saved, she managed to get what she wanted.

In March 2016, we went to Penang to attend Eugene's cousin's wedding. I decided to take the opportunity to meet up with old friends from my university days whom I had not seen for many years. Some of them bought Caitlin's cookies!

In April 2016, Caitlin participated in the 4 X 100m event in her school's Sports Day. Her team emerged with the silver medal.

In May 2016, Caitlin and I went to Malacca for my church Family Camp. We had a good time of learning and fun, which included a walking treasure hunt around the historical area.

During the June 2016 school holidays, Caitlin and I took a trip to Cherating, and left Eugene at home to toil in the office ;-p We made a pit stop in Kuantan for lunch before proceeding to Club Med. Before checking in, we visited the Turtle Sanctuary located beside the resort. we spent four days relaxing and participating in some of the activities. Caitlin joined the Teens' Club and made friends with other teens, participated in outdoor activities like archery and swinging (or rather falling!) on the trapeze. I enjoyed the open space, greenery, beach, a short hike up a hill, the nightly shows, the food and the long drive to and fro. We also went kayaking together.

June 2016 included the Chinese Dumpling Festival. We were invited to the home of a church member to join a few families in some fun, making the rice dumplings from scratch, and learning how to assemble, wrap and tie up the dumplings with leaves and strings. It was hard work trying to get them in the right shape and tying them up correctly.

 My dad celebrated his 77th birthday in August 2016. We didn't have a big party so it was just a small slice of cake and coffee one Sunday afternoon when he and mum visited us in KL.

We also made a trip to Ipoh in August 2016 to join the extended family of Eugene's mum in celebrating his aunt and uncle's 70th birthday. It was a big gathering of the clan and a reunion of sorts, as aunt and uncle came all the way from Seattle to celebrate with family. Other aunts, uncles and cousins also made the effort to come from Seattle, Japan, Penang, and Kuala Lumpur.

In September 2016, we joined my younger brother and his family on an impromptu visit to Legoland. It was our first time there so we had great fun at the theme park, on the rides, looking at all the marvelous Lego-built stuff and going on all the water slides repetitively.

In mid 2016, I began exploring other part-time jobs and found one in teaching a six-year-old how to read during his summer holidays. After seven weeks of reading with him daily on weekdays, he improved his reading skills and made me a thank-you card before he went back to school in September.

In October 2016, Caitlin turned 14. It was another party at home with family and the highlight was the pandan jelly cake from the famous bakery in Klang whose owner was the creator of this cake (that's been duplicated and sold by others over the years).

The picture below shows three good old friends who have known each other since they were eight. There are a few more of us in this 'gang' but they are currently living in other countries. We try to meet up at least once a year to catch up so we managed to do so in October 2016 at a coffee and cake place in The Atria, Damansara, chatting and exchanging notes about parenting our teenage and young-adult children.

Caitlin's school year, her third year (Year 9) at the learning centre, ended in November 2016 with the customary year-end concert to celebrate the students' achievements. Her class presented a song-and-dance performance. This picture is of her with her school mates singing an action song at the finale. This year, she enters Year 10 to start her IGCSE O Level studies until next year.....How quickly they grow up.....

The year-end school holidays in November 2016 began with us hosting two wonderful homeschooled children for a few days while their parents attended a conference away from home. We had lots of fun doing stuff together like baking cookies, making jelly, playing with Rusty, and best of all, forming a mini band to present a song to their mum as a birthday surprise. Children are fun to be with and they learn and adapt so quickly. Within a few practices, they got the song right.

December is always a busy month with church and family activities centred around Christmas. December 2016 was not any different as I conducted carolling practice at church for our carolling visits to members' homes and the Wesley Home for the old folk. The Ongs also continued with the family tradition of attending midnight mass at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Klang, followed by midnight supper of roast lamb and chicken before opening presents till the wee hours of the morning. The 2016 Christmas family photo theme was 'Christmas in white'; idea credit goes to Eugene.

In early December 2016, ACE made a trip to Penang to 'jalan jalan, cari makan'. It was four days of foodie adventure and we ate to our hearts' content. We also did the necessary street art tour and visited an upside down 'museum', featuring an upside down house where we could pose for silly shots.

Last but not least, I must not leave out my faithful and loyal boy, Rusty, our four-legged furkid who celebrated his 8th birthday on 1st November 2016. As  he gets older, he tends to have some skin problems every now and then so he's been rather clean shaven these days compared to the past. He continues to enjoy being by my side wherever I may be at home. If he is not snoozing, he would be nudging me for pats and food, of course.

And finally, we've come to the end of this post chronicling the highlights of 1.5 years' worth of our lives. It took me the entire morning, right into my lunch time to search for the pictures from my unorganised folders, mobile phone and Facebook to compile them chronologically here. I hope I'm better organised in 2017!!

After 10 years at home

This blog
I wrote the very first post in this blog on 20 March 2007, and up to the post before this one, there had been 797 others in the span of eight years. It covered a mish mash of topics, but mainly about things that matter to me i.e. my child, family, things we did, places we visited, my weird thoughts and feelings. In the early days of my blog, when my life was very focused on growing my toddler, I wrote several posts a day. As time passed and things changed, it was reduced to one post a day, one post a week, one post a fortnight, then one post a month and now, it looks like it's one post a year! One post a year is the very least I should do, so I'm writing one now as March appears to be a significant month when I left my 13-year career in corporate communication in March 2005, making it 10 years already now.

The past year, 2014, and present 2015
A few important and significant events and achievements I can remember off-hand right now:

Family Travels
During the March 2014 school holidays, we made a short trip to Ipoh. Besides enjoying Ipoh's yummy food, we visited Lost World of Tambun. The rides there were nothing to shout about, but we enjoyed its closeness to the limestone hills, and soaking in the hot spring.

We went on our very first cruise to Phuket and Krabi in May 2014 on Star Cruises. It was a fun and educational family holiday.

In November 2014, we spent a few days by the beach in Penang, savoured hawker fare, got C hooked on 'ice kacang', and attended a relative's wedding at the Blue Mansion. We drove on the Second 'Crooked' Bridge for the very first time, visited Penang Hill and the 3D Museum.

In February 2015, we travelled to Seremban and Melaka for Chinese New Year.

Caitlin
C switched to a new school in January 2014, and began her first secondary school year. It took off on a bad note with a class bully targeting her. It was a rough patch which tested our perseverance and wisdom as parents. After a few dramatic incidents and the dismissal of the student, the rest of the school year moved on generally well. She joined her school floorball team and participated in two tournaments, both with victory, considering the team was only less than two months old. She continues to attend training every week.

She also performed a solo 'Hairspray' number in the year-end school concert. She and her friends practised hard singing and dancing with the guidance of good teachers. She also won 'Best Achievement' awards for English (her favourite subject) and ICT.

C still plays the drums and is into her seventh year making a ruckus at home when she practises. She is into her second year playing in church two Sundays a month. She also started vocal lessons.

In November, C insisted on adopting a rescued pup from Malaysian Dogs Deserve Better, much against our desire for practical reasons. We relented hoping that she would learn to be less self-centred and more responsible. We are still hoping *grit teeth and grin*. She named the pup Mocha. Mocha is a thriving, up-to-mischief, active six-month-old now.

Eugene
E remains in his current job and continues to be the main breadwinner for our little family. He took up cycling seriously and had spent a considerable amount of time and money on this renewed interest, cycling with a group every weekend. He participated in his first 'century ride' (100 miles) in Trengganu. He has signed up for another century ride this May 2015 in Perak.

He is also exercising regularly by running on the treadmill, and for short distances with the dogs when he walks them in the evenings. Next, he would probably consider swimming...and the Ironman Triathlon, maybe?? As work and exercise take up most of his time, the rest is spent exercising his fingers on the TV remote, iPad or mobile phone....but he also spends a considerable amount of time picking up where I left off (the Cantonese would say 'mo ngan thai' or 'no eye see') in dealing with a strong-willed teenager, talking about stuff and giving pep talks at the dining table.

Anna
Ten years at home. And to say my oft-said phrase, time flies. In the span of 10 years, I have, and am still, raising a girl who is quite like me in some ways (strong-willed and opinionated to say the least); therefore I continue to struggle with constant battles of knowing when to release and when to pull in the kite strings. Parenthood is a treacherous yet weirdly fulfilling journey. All other responsibilities as a cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, administrator, nurse, teacher, gardener, laundrywoman, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, aunt, sister, etc., remain unchanged.

In 10 years, I have earned some supplementary income, mainly through writing and writing-related work. I tried making money by blogging and writing sponsored posts but discovered it just wasn't me to write stuff I wasn't interested in simply to earn some peanuts. It was different when I was in employment to do that. So I turned to writing about stuff I like. I had a fortnightly parenting column in a local daily for two years. Then I shifted to a different column under a pseudonym, and am still doing so. In between, I got random assignments to write interviews, website articles on parenting and educational subjects, transcribing and proofreading.

In June 2014, I was approached by C's principal to teach at their kindergarten. As I enjoyed being around children, and given the opportunity to teach them how to read, I accepted the offer. It started off quite uncomfortably with assisting a rather bossy co-worker, and other unexpected additional work, but progressed well with me becoming a part-time teacher, responsible for teaching reading only. As the timing and travel arrangements were not practical, I stopped teaching last month. Next month, I shall be helping a few kindergarten and primary school children in that school, guiding them with their homework in the afternoon. This arrangement would be better for me.

I am resuming my interest in reading books, not just articles on the internet. It is about time as I feel totally guilty hoarding books but never making the time to read them. So this month, being in-between jobs, I've managed to read three books and have started another one.

In the past three years, I've also become more active in my faith, by going to church every Sunday where possible, and serving in a few areas.

By God's grace and strength, I hope to continue doing everything I do with a joyful and generous heart. I have learned much in 10 years, too much to list out here.

2014 was a good year with many new things for us. May 2015 be as good, if not better.

Last but not least, another family member says, 'Hi!' Dear Rusty has been a good boy the past year. Unfortunately, he has not been getting as much attention since Mocha joined the family.

Tailgated?

While driving on the middle lane of life, I sometimes feel as if I'm being tailgated, that another 'vehicle' is tailing me so closely that I'm forced to either speed up, or shift gears and move to the slower lane.

That's life. You sometimes cannot move at the speed you choose because of external forces around you. I was hoping for a good start to C's school year, a steady, problem-free transition to a new school, and for her to settle in quickly with her studies in her first year of secondary school. But alas, she had the challenge of having to deal with a class bully who targeted her more because she is one who does not take things sitting down. Anyway, that situation has improved after intervention by the teacher and principal and I hope it will continue to improve.

Then, there are minor changes to the school timetable. That's to be expected at the start of the school year as the school tries to find balance in distributing their teachers' time to match the needs of each class. C is re-learning Mandarin as she didn't learn much in her previous school, partly because she wasn't interested, and partly because the teacher wasn't 'interested' too. So for one day a week, her school hours are extended by an extra 30 minutes for Mandarin, an extra hour for extra-curricular activities. By the time she reaches home, it's late afternoon. It's a good thing there's not much homework so far. With music lessons two days in a week, that's about all we can handle for now. 

Lunch at school didn't seem like value for money after January's trial so I'm now preparing breakfast, snack and lunch every morning for her. That means having to wake up 15 minutes earlier every morning, and planning and preparing some food the night before so it's ready to be cooked in the morning.

The weather has been very hot and dry since Chinese New Year. Water levels are low so many areas in the Klang Valley are facing water rationing. Last Friday, water supply was intermittent at my place right up to yesterday. It's a good thing we are a small family so it's not impacting us too much. We're not short of water yet, only facing the inconvenience of not having running taps in the kitchen and having to be more careful and not waste what we have in our storage tank. Laundry is done at odd hours when water supply is temporarily restored, regardless of day or night. Cooking is minimised so food stalls and restaurants are getting more business from us.

I smell smoke in the air today. Is the haze back?

The one-week school holiday is coming soon in March. I wish to go somewhere nearby since we didn't go anywhere the last long, year-end holidays. The task of finding some place affordable nearby is not so easy. I would like a beach holiday but C does not. E is indifferent. Local destinations are more affordable but will surely be fully-booked if I don't decide early. And they will surely be crowded too. Hmmm, I'm being tailgated by choices and decisions too....

Que sera sera.

By the way, did you know that 'que sera sera' is not exactly Spanish or Italian? Here's what Wikipedia says:

The popularity of the song has led to curiosity about the origins of the saying and the identity of its language. Both the Spanish-like spelling used by Livingston and Evans and an Italian-like form, "che sarà sarà", are first documented, in the 16th century, as an English heraldic motto.^[6] The "Spanish" form appears on a brass plaque in a village church in Surrey, dated 1559.^[7] The "Italian" form was first adopted as a family motto by either John Russell, 1st Earl of Bedford, or his son, Francis Russell, 2nd Earl of Bedford. It is said by some sources to have been adopted by the elder Russell after his experience at the Battle of Pavia (1525), and to be engraved on his tomb (1555 N.S.).^[8][9] The 2nd Earl's adoption of the motto is commemorated in a manuscript dated 1582.^[10] Their successors—Earls and, later, Dukes of Bedford ("Sixth Creation"), as well as other aristocratic families—continued to use the motto. Soon after its adoption as a heraldic motto, it appeared in Christopher Marlowe's play Doctor Faustus (written ca. 1590; published 1604), whose text^[11] (Act 1, Scene 1) contains a line with the archaic Italian spelling "Che sera, sera / What will be, shall be").^[12] Early in the 17th century the saying begins to appear in the speech and thoughts of fictional characters as a spontaneous expression of a fatalistic attitude, always in an English-speaking context.
The saying has no history in Spain, Italy, or France, and in fact is ungrammatical in all three of these Romance languages.^[13] It is composed of Spanish or Italian words superimposed on English syntax. It was evidently formed by a word-for-word mistranslation of English "What will be will be", merging the free relative pronoun what (= "that which") with the interrogative what?^[14]
Livingston and Evans had some knowledge of Spanish, and early in their career they worked together as musicians on cruise ships to the Caribbean and South America. Composer Jay Livingston had seen the 1954 Hollywood film The Barefoot Contessa, in which a fictional Italian family has the motto "Che sarà sarà" carved in stone at their ancestral mansion. He immediately wrote it down as a possible song title, and he and lyricist Ray Evans later gave it a Spanish spelling "because there are so many Spanish-speaking people in the world".^[15][16][17]
In modern times, thanks to the popularity of the song and its many translations, the phrase has been adopted in countries around the world to name a variety of entities, including books, movies, restaurants, vacation rentals, airplanes, and race horses.^[18]

 

About Chinese New Year

We've another 10 days to Chinese New Year. This festival brings these to mind:

Angpows - I need to go to the bank to get some new notes! ....hmmm...or recycle the close-to-new ones I get directly from the ATM machine.

Spring cleaning - is it a tradition, a must? *grin* I'm trying. Have washed all our curtains, and we're turning the study/store rooms upside down to throw away old stuff. We even bought a paper shredder and you can't imagine how much paper we've shredded and sold to the old newspaper lorryman. Major work in this part of the house, which is actually the entire top floor, which I foresee will not be done by CNY!

CNY cookies - it would be nice if I had the time to bake some, but ....

CNY gifts - just did some shopping yesterday and packed the few goodie bags to be given to immediate family members.

CNY décor - no, we don't decorate the house much. I have only one 'Prosperity' poster on my main door.

Visits - we only visit elder family and relatives close to us, and hardly anyone visits us because we don't organise any 'open house' parties and we have very few friends :-p We don't come from extremely traditional Chinese families within our current generation, there's no rule that the younger ones must visit older ones to pay respect, etc. Although E is the eldest, his younger siblings address him by name and we treat each other equally. Hehehe, I can't imagine if we were to go back a few centuries. E will be addressed as 'tai gor' and I will be addressed as 'tai soh'....

Gatherings - we have a very, very small social circle so it's only a handful of friends that we will catch up with, either some place outside or in one of our homes.

Traditions - not sure about the extent of it. Yeah, we wish our elders, we give/receive angpows. We give/receive mandarin oranges. We exchange goodie bags/hampers. We have CNY Eve reunion lunch (with my family) and reunion dinner (with E's family).

Yee Sang - tossing 'yee sang' was never part of CNY tradition in my younger days. It's actually not a 'true' tradition, but whatever...., it's 'modern' tradition in this part of my world so yeah, I'm expecting a toss or two. When I was in a 'corporate' career, I remember tossing yee sang with various groups of people as many as 10 times or more within those 15 days of CNY. Talk about overkill.

In case I don't write any more posts here pre-CNY, here's wishing one and all, "Gong Xi Fa Cai" and may the Year of the Horse bring you health, happiness and prosperity.

October updates

October is coming to an end and very quickly, soon, it will be November and December and another year will be gone. This last quarter of 2013 will fly by very swiftly I foresee with all the things that we have to attend to, the activities and all.

C's year-end school exam just ended. As usual, she was cool about it. No revision, despite my frequent prodding. She continued with life as usual, and even made some bread and jelly by herself. She is teaching me to see things in a different way.

During my time, as I was growing up, my generation was taught that we need to study very hard, get into university, get a good job and you're set for life. Sounds like a straight rigid path to follow, knowing what I know now. I wish I had strayed from the path once in a while to find some lovely garden in the midst of the jungle and played there for awhile figuratively speaking. Maybe I could have discovered my true passion that way.

The weekend before her exams, we spent one day exploring Batu Caves and the adjacent Dark Cave. We climbed up the 272 steps of Batu Caves so that she could see what a Hindu temple in a cave is like, the various gods the Hindus worship. On the way down, we visited the Dark Cave, a conservation site. We took the Educational Tour and learned many things about how caves form, the various limestone structures and characteristics of a cave, the unique ecosystem of a cave, and some endangered species that can be found there -- much more interesting than staying at home and memorising the formula of the area of a triangle, I must admit.

 The world's tallest golden statue of Murugan at the base of the stairs.

 

The entrance of Batu Cave at the top of the stairs.

We didn't spot this spider but we spotted cave snails, other spiders, bats and cockroaches.

See here to learn more about Dark Cave.

So here's my take thus far on education, parenting and life. Note that it's MY take and I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I am writing this down to remind myself because I came from a different generation who sees things differently:

1. Every child is unique, so it's useless comparing mine with others.
2. Childhood is to be enjoyed, like I did mine.
3. Children (and adults) learn better and more when it's fun and interesting.
4.The bottomline is that the child must be happy wherever he is and in whatever he is doing.
5. It is important to do well in school (and I don't mean academically only), but it is not the most important thing in a child's life.
6. Exams are over-rated. It's just a way to measure how much one has learned and understood.
7. It is ok to fail an exam, as long as the child tried and did his best.
8. It is good to go to university but it is not a must.
9. Good character and values are more valuable than a string of A's, a high-salaried job or social status.
10. Life is not a race. It is not necessary for a child to read independently at two years of age, or enter university at 12.
11. Not knowing why one is learning, being forced to learn, rote learning, not relating and applying what one has learnt with real life is pointless.
12. It is good to expose a child to many experiences and activities, but only pursue the activity further if the child is interested. This does not mean the child can be allowed to give up an activity he was initially interested in immediately when the going gets too tough.
13. Thinking independently, speaking confidently, arguing rationally, problem solving creatively are good skills to develop.
14. Children grow up very quickly. There are some things I can only do with them when they are young, like teach them personal discipline, self-control, responsibility, love for family and God, i.e. there are many tricks which I can't teach to old dogs.

That's all I can think of for now.

This week, we will be celebrating C's 11th birthday. She is busy at school rehearsing a dance for their year-end concert, she has an outdoor nature camp to attend during the Deepavali long weekend, a drum exam to take the very next day after camp, a school field trip to a batik workshop, and finally, the year-end concert before school closes in mid-November.

I hope I will be able to quote Robert Frost later in life:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Don't Carpe Diem

I haven't posted here for over a month. Usually my longest is 2-3 weeks. There's been too much going on lately and right now, I can't even place a finger on the 'what and where' of all that's 'going on'. My mind's rather blank, not that it's 'blank' blank, but like when you go to a huge library, with rows and rows of books on rows and rows of shelves from wall to wall, floor to ceiling....you can't see an individual book but a big, huge blurry image of so many, many books. Gee, I don't even know if what I've just written makes any sense!

Anyway, just some quick updates with whatever I can recall. The days have been rather routine....and for those in temperate countries in the northern hemisphere, summer's just gone and fall has come. We're entering the final quarter of 2013! Gosh, where did the year go? C's going to take her school's end-of-year exam in mid October. We're at another crossroad. She will be in Year 6 next year. Her final year of primary school. As we had switched her to an international syllabus this year, she has the option to sit or not sit for the UPSR. Yes or no? I'm still wondering. When we don't have any choices, we complain. When we have, we also complain....

C's eczema and allergies as usual are roller-coastering. I took her yesterday to get an alternative approach to managing it. Will see how it goes within the next few weeks before I provide more information here. The place is in Desa Seri Hartamas, the other end of KL and this specialist is a busy one so I managed to get an appointment which saw us arriving straight from school just in time. After we got done, we decided to have an early dinner at the adjacent mall before heading home. We got caught in after-office traffic and it took us 1.5 hours to reach home. It was a long day for both of us but we managed. It helped that we heard a song on radio closer towards home -- this parody of the current, strange hit of " The Fox". For me, it's Gangnam meets Bollywood by a Norwegian group.

And this is the parody by our local radio station:
 


I continue my love-hate relationship with writing for some money. The same goes with parenting. Recently I read an article in Huffington Post which expressed this really well.

Don't Carpe Diem
Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama  gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

School holidays are here again!

I'm forever lamenting here in this blog that time flies way, way too fast. It's one month since I updated this blog. We're in the midst of school holidays, again! This time it was preceded by the Hari Raya holiday which fell on last Thursday and Friday and school has been out since then till end of this week.

It's a good thing that C didn't get any homework at all from school this time around. Either that, or she decided not to bring the work home! She's capable of that at times! But I trust that the teachers really didn't give any homework this time :)

As usual, we, or rather C, has grand plans to do many things during her free time. But since she is the type who dawdles and lives in the moment, she is pretty slow (by my standards) in getting things moving.

She however surprised us on the first morning of the holidays by waking up at 6.30am. On normal school days, that would be rare as we'd have to shake her out to get to school on time! She couldn't go back to sleep so I jokingly suggested she went and got breakfast ready. Lo and behold, she did. She came to us with a notebook and pencil and asked us for our breakfast orders *rolling my eyes*

While E and I continued to laze in bed for a while, she made sandwiches with butter and jam, and a fried egg for E, cereal with milk and an omelette for me, plus coffee for both of us.

 

 

During the Hari Raya break, we caught two movies, Wolverine and Percy Jackson on two separate days, at two different movie theatres. The two sweet-tooth people in my family had to have popcorn, of course.

 

Apart from movies, tv, iPad and computer games and videos from Brainpop, C started another 'storybook' of her own, writing an assortment of her own stories.

 

Yesterday, we sent her to a 3-day, 2-night nature camp at Janda Baik. She was so excited to go that she awoke at 4am. After dropping her off and returning to KL, E and I decided to visit Petaling Street, KL's Chinatown.

 

It's been more than 10 years since I last went there. Things have changed in that old part of KL. The roads were rather messy with the construction of LRT tracks. Some old buildings were demolished to make way for them, what a pity. What's 'Chinese' that remains of Chinatown is the food, some of the shops selling clothes, bags, shoes, etc. As for the stalls lining the roadside selling all sorts of knock offs, most of them are now manned by foreigners like Bangaldeshis :( 

 

 

Murals by a group of people who want to preserve the heritage on Jalan Sultan where six lots of buildings have been demolished to make way for development. Watch this video for more info:

 

 

Foreigners manning stalls

 

But some 'historical' gems are still there if you've lived in KL long enough to know. For a foodie like me, I took note of the stalls that have been faithful residents there for decades, although they could now be manned by a younger generation.

 

The daughter of the original salted roast duck seller is now continuing the business. They have been here for decades, selling their roast ducks and wrapped duck feet delicacy out of this cart by the roadside.

 

The roast duck seller's well-known name, 'Sze Ngan Chye' (Four-eyed Guy). This highly recognisable signage with red and white letterings in this typical typeface has not changed at all. Talk about strong branding! 

 

 

This 'air mata kuching' (longan drink) stall has been here for as long as I can remember, at the corner of Hong Leong Bank. It used to be a must-buy for E long ago during our single days when we visited this place, so yesterday, he re-lived 'history' by buying a cup, now priced at RM1.50. Those days, they served it in a bowl and many people would stand around the stall, drinking from the bowl.

 

 

This is another decades-old stall selling fried snacks and some specialty Cantonese kuih, including 'sat kei ma', 'siu hou chou', 'ham chim peng', 'mah kiok', 'hup tou sou', etc.

 

 

On our way home, we had to stop at a the traffic light junction facing Central Market. The former wet market of old, now a cultural/handicraft centre named Pasar Seni (Art Market) is now painted in light blue (I remember it as greyish or green back then). Alongside it, the alley has been transformed to what's called Kasturi Walk, with a giant wau (Malaysian traditional kite) fronting it!

 

 

It's good that I got to visit Petaling Street and drive past the areas surrounding it yesterday to take a look at the changes in town. Puduraya, the old central bus station got a facelift and the busy roundabout there is gone. The Klang Bus Station also got a facelift. The heart of old KL feels totally different from the one I used to know when I first moved here to live and work in the early 1990s....

 

Driving past Jalan Pudu on our way home, I could still at least feel that there wasn't as much change on that road, despite some new buildings coming up and the Pudu Jail gone. The popular Teochew porridge shop behind Berjaya Times Square (I can't stop thinking about food :-p) is still there too!