There are friends whom I've known since age six. We shared much together as kids and are still very much in touch now that we're in our forties and have kids of our own. We don't spend much time together these days but nothing much has changed in terms of our friendship.
And there are friends I got to know in adulthood. We shared much together as well but it's not the quantity of time we spent together. It was the quality of whatever little time we managed to squeeze, from our busy lives as working adults and parents, to share.
Friends are treasures. True friends I mean. Those who are there with you through thick and thin no matter how long you've known them. Today, I remember one of them. We spent quality time together although the time was not decades long. In fact, it was less than a decade. Looking back, I wish we had spent more time together. And I'm very sure we would have hit it off if I had known her when I was six.
Many people loved her but God also loved her and took her home five years ago today. She continues to live in many hearts, especially in the hearts of her two Michaels here.
Jennifer - a friend indeed, among others she's known to be - loving mother, adorable wife, caring sister, filial daughter...
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Who cares if this makes sense or not
When people are in the company of others they perceive as non-threatening, they are bolder in speaking their mind. They are quicker in making conclusions, and giving their two cents' worth regardless of whether it is necessary or unnecessary. Sometimes what they say reflects back on themselves. They give others certain impressions of themselves, especially negative impressions.
Somehow, people tend to see more of the negatives and less of the positives of a person. I wonder why. Why do we not give others the benefit of the doubt? Why do we judge others too quickly?
It's best to keep our mouth shut sometimes. When it's not necessary to speak, isn't it best to just be quiet? It doesn't mean that if we're quiet, we're weak. There's no need to have a comment for everything, especially if it doesn't add any value, enrich the ambience, your relationships, or help others around us.
We just need to trust and respect others as how we expect others to do the same for us.
If we don't want others to put milk in our tea, then we musn't put sugar into their coffee, assuming they don't take sugar!
Somehow, people tend to see more of the negatives and less of the positives of a person. I wonder why. Why do we not give others the benefit of the doubt? Why do we judge others too quickly?
It's best to keep our mouth shut sometimes. When it's not necessary to speak, isn't it best to just be quiet? It doesn't mean that if we're quiet, we're weak. There's no need to have a comment for everything, especially if it doesn't add any value, enrich the ambience, your relationships, or help others around us.
We just need to trust and respect others as how we expect others to do the same for us.
If we don't want others to put milk in our tea, then we musn't put sugar into their coffee, assuming they don't take sugar!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friends come, friends go, friends remain
Come March, it will be five years since I left a full-time career in the corporate world after 14 years in the rat race. Again, as I seem to be saying rather often these days, time flies.
The circle of people you connect with change when you move from one phase of life to another. In my student days, my good friends were my class or coursemates and friends with common interests. When I was working, I spent lots of time with colleagues and a handful of childhood and close friends from university days. Some business contacts also became personal contacts.
As I moved on, and grew older (can't escape using that word unfortunately), got married and started a family, the people I connected with also changed. My single friends were preoccupied chasing their careers and busy with their single lives while a large chunk of my time was spent juggling career and family needs, connecting mainly with friends who are parents with young kids, comparing notes and sharing parenting complaints, stories, and ideas.
Now, after almost five years as a stay-home mother, again, the friendship circle has evolved. It now includes parents of school and extra-curricular classmates, and other interest groups mainly.
When I used to have only one or two strong cliques of friends during my student days, I find that now, my friends are more diverse, separated into different categories - old childhood friends, ex-colleagues, family friends and parents of C's friends. Some from the past remain, some have become distant, some have grown closer, some don't seem to be interested in maintaining the friendship. Priorities change, focus and interests change. Hence your circle of friends will change I guess. Does that mean I ignore and forget those who are not within my current priorities or interests? No.
Thanks to technology and all the available networking sites through the Internet, finding lost friends, reconnecting and keeping in touch with everyone is much easier now.
The circle of people you connect with change when you move from one phase of life to another. In my student days, my good friends were my class or coursemates and friends with common interests. When I was working, I spent lots of time with colleagues and a handful of childhood and close friends from university days. Some business contacts also became personal contacts.
As I moved on, and grew older (can't escape using that word unfortunately), got married and started a family, the people I connected with also changed. My single friends were preoccupied chasing their careers and busy with their single lives while a large chunk of my time was spent juggling career and family needs, connecting mainly with friends who are parents with young kids, comparing notes and sharing parenting complaints, stories, and ideas.
Now, after almost five years as a stay-home mother, again, the friendship circle has evolved. It now includes parents of school and extra-curricular classmates, and other interest groups mainly.
When I used to have only one or two strong cliques of friends during my student days, I find that now, my friends are more diverse, separated into different categories - old childhood friends, ex-colleagues, family friends and parents of C's friends. Some from the past remain, some have become distant, some have grown closer, some don't seem to be interested in maintaining the friendship. Priorities change, focus and interests change. Hence your circle of friends will change I guess. Does that mean I ignore and forget those who are not within my current priorities or interests? No.
Thanks to technology and all the available networking sites through the Internet, finding lost friends, reconnecting and keeping in touch with everyone is much easier now.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Moving
We're moving to our new place this Saturday. Packing-wise, we still have lots of odds and ends to put into boxes. Some are stuff we are still using on a daily basis, others are stuff we've simply chucked at 'hidden' corners over the years because we either don't know where to put them or because we thought we'd have use for them someday or because they have some perceived sentimental value. Eugene has lots of those in the last category.
Moving house is a good way to give away old but usable stuff -- clothes, old furniture, bags, etc -- to those who need them more. It's a good way to declutter and simplify -- do we really need those shoes which we once thought looked cool but wore only once? It's an opportunity to remember and reminisce -- get a laugh looking at old nerdy pics, read old letters (I still have those written to me when I was a teenager)and autographs.
This brings to mind scenes of police detectives in TV shows sifting through victims' or suspects' garbage cans. You can tell a lot about a person and his daily life by looking at what is thrown out!
Moving house is a good way to give away old but usable stuff -- clothes, old furniture, bags, etc -- to those who need them more. It's a good way to declutter and simplify -- do we really need those shoes which we once thought looked cool but wore only once? It's an opportunity to remember and reminisce -- get a laugh looking at old nerdy pics, read old letters (I still have those written to me when I was a teenager)and autographs.
This brings to mind scenes of police detectives in TV shows sifting through victims' or suspects' garbage cans. You can tell a lot about a person and his daily life by looking at what is thrown out!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Doggy dreams
When you are young, your dreams are never impossible to achieve. Caitlin has tons of wishes and hopes of being this or that, doing this or that, going here or there...Never a day goes by without us hearing about her dreams and wishes and requests to do or be something or go somewhere.
She's a kid who plunges really deep into a subject matter once she's hooked. The opposite is also true when she's not interested in something....
She loves animals, almost anything and everything about them, the wild ones, the domesticated ones, you name it, she'd probably have a few interesting facts to tell you about it. Her kindy teacher referred to her as the 'walking encyclopaedia on animals'. Sigh, I wish the teacher didn't do that. Well, at least she's not in kindy anymore.
And dogs, they reign supreme among her favourite animals next to tigers. Her fave character in Kung Fu Panda is not Po but Tigress...also because Tigress is female (she is very pro-female).
Since age 4, she's been dreaming of having pet dogs. She kept harping about how wonderful it'd be etc etc etc and was (still is) always thrilled to see stray dogs, other people's pet dogs, pictures of dogs, movies and documentaries about dogs....and feeding and walking Copper, grandpa's dog, whenever we visit my in-laws.
She had pre-named her dream dogs Rusty and Mermaid Girl and even determined their breeds and gender. Rusty is a male schnauzer and Mermaid Girl a female dachsund. She drew pictures of her dream dogs and included a nice house and garden in the picture. It doesn't stop there. After smaller breed dogs, she wants larger breeds along with us moving into a bungalow with a large compound for the dogs to roam around....
Since mid-Jan, half of the first part of her dream has been realised, makes you wonder if the much hyped about "Law of Attraction" truly, truly works (hmmm, a bungalow...). We didn't consciously seek out Rusty the male schnauzer but he 'appeared' at the right time when we had planned to move to a house (i.e. can own a pet dog vs cannot have dog in apartment). We have yet to move in to the house so Rusty is now ruling the apartment and our lives!
Caitlin did her homework with Rusty on her lap this afternoon...
Caitlin is also currently into the videos of Balto (mixed husky-wolf) plus its sequels, and Snow Buddies (golden retrievers). Most nights, she requests for bedtime stories about these dogs and their adventures which we have to make up as we go along. Prior to this, it was Eight Below (huskies) and Underdog (beagle). Animal Planet and ASPCA shows compete with Playhouse Disney Channel.
Her craze about huskies has also gotten her interested in dog sledding and racing and Alaska. "When we visit America, I want to go to Alaska and go dog-sledding..." A couple of hours ago, her Alaskan dream escalated to "Mum, when I'm a teenager, I want to race in the Iditarod..."
Nothing gets in the way of your dreams when you are a child.
She's a kid who plunges really deep into a subject matter once she's hooked. The opposite is also true when she's not interested in something....
She loves animals, almost anything and everything about them, the wild ones, the domesticated ones, you name it, she'd probably have a few interesting facts to tell you about it. Her kindy teacher referred to her as the 'walking encyclopaedia on animals'. Sigh, I wish the teacher didn't do that. Well, at least she's not in kindy anymore.
And dogs, they reign supreme among her favourite animals next to tigers. Her fave character in Kung Fu Panda is not Po but Tigress...also because Tigress is female (she is very pro-female).
Since age 4, she's been dreaming of having pet dogs. She kept harping about how wonderful it'd be etc etc etc and was (still is) always thrilled to see stray dogs, other people's pet dogs, pictures of dogs, movies and documentaries about dogs....and feeding and walking Copper, grandpa's dog, whenever we visit my in-laws.
She had pre-named her dream dogs Rusty and Mermaid Girl and even determined their breeds and gender. Rusty is a male schnauzer and Mermaid Girl a female dachsund. She drew pictures of her dream dogs and included a nice house and garden in the picture. It doesn't stop there. After smaller breed dogs, she wants larger breeds along with us moving into a bungalow with a large compound for the dogs to roam around....
Since mid-Jan, half of the first part of her dream has been realised, makes you wonder if the much hyped about "Law of Attraction" truly, truly works (hmmm, a bungalow...). We didn't consciously seek out Rusty the male schnauzer but he 'appeared' at the right time when we had planned to move to a house (i.e. can own a pet dog vs cannot have dog in apartment). We have yet to move in to the house so Rusty is now ruling the apartment and our lives!
Caitlin did her homework with Rusty on her lap this afternoon...
Caitlin is also currently into the videos of Balto (mixed husky-wolf) plus its sequels, and Snow Buddies (golden retrievers). Most nights, she requests for bedtime stories about these dogs and their adventures which we have to make up as we go along. Prior to this, it was Eight Below (huskies) and Underdog (beagle). Animal Planet and ASPCA shows compete with Playhouse Disney Channel.
Her craze about huskies has also gotten her interested in dog sledding and racing and Alaska. "When we visit America, I want to go to Alaska and go dog-sledding..." A couple of hours ago, her Alaskan dream escalated to "Mum, when I'm a teenager, I want to race in the Iditarod..."
Nothing gets in the way of your dreams when you are a child.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tattoos
What does the word "tattoo" conjure up in your mind? Military tattoo and marching bands? Not so common I think. It'd most likely be LA, London, Miami Ink? Gangsterism? Triads? Significant personal events, memories, relationships that have impacted your life? Positive or negative? Needles and pain? Traditional, cultural, current fad? Permanent or temporary? Dyes, henna or stickers?
If you were to get a tattoo, what would the reason be? What design? Children play with the sticker and washable paint types mainly for fun. Adults use henna, dyes and stickers for fun, cosmetic and other known or unknown reasons. If I were to get a permanent one, it would be of personal significance, not for body decoration unless it's a temporary one simply for fun or for a crazy party.
No, I'm not thinking of getting a tattoo. It's just that in my lifetime, I've known of people and friends who have got themselves one or more, for various reasons. And just a few days ago, I found out another friend plans to get one. Good and glad for him!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Procrastination
I think procrastinators are people who cannot delay gratification. They must do or have what they like first, before they get on to doing or getting what they should. Whether it is a sensible move or not to procrastinate, they are not bothered by it and prefer to deal with the consequences when it happens. As some Chinese saying goes, these people will only "dig the hole when they need to sh*t".
Well Anna, some people are like that, so instead of getting frustrated, count to 10 and smile. Variety is the spice of life. The world will be a boring place if everyone is anal like me.
Well Anna, some people are like that, so instead of getting frustrated, count to 10 and smile. Variety is the spice of life. The world will be a boring place if everyone is anal like me.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
'People' people, or not
Sometimes I get the feeling that there are people who are avoiding me for some reason unknown to me. Maybe I'm too self-conscious, sensitive or taking this personally but I think with globalisation, the digital age, technology, whatever you call it, people are generally a colder lot these days.
Long ago, meeting neighbours and having a chat over the fence was something common. These days, whether you live on a landed property or condominium, everyone just enters their house and shuts the door, do their own thing in the name of minding their own business. They don't know who their next-door neighbours are. Impromptu visits to friends' homes are no-nos, must make appointment first.
When I was young(er), our family weekends included visiting friends and family to catch up. No appointment was required. We'd just turn up in front of their doorsteps and get welcomed in, spend an hour or so talking about this and that and leave happy. If they happened to be out, it wasn't an issue. We'd just drive off and go do something else.
Now things are so different even with relatives and close friends. When we happen to bump into each other at a restaurant or mall, we'd chat briefly, say goodbye with lip-service "we should catch up one day, some day". Or when we're online, we'd rather not chat with others whom we see are online too. It's easier to just indicate "busy", go "invisible" or sign out when we see others coming online (of course, there are those who are genuinely busy). I've been guilty of these so maybe my guilt manifests in return and makes me feel like people are avoiding me! Ah....self-analysis is confusing.
Anyway, I just think people are becoming less 'people' people and more 'self' (or selfish?) people these days in general, resulting in a less caring, apathetic society. Maybe I'm wrong...or could I be right?
Long ago, meeting neighbours and having a chat over the fence was something common. These days, whether you live on a landed property or condominium, everyone just enters their house and shuts the door, do their own thing in the name of minding their own business. They don't know who their next-door neighbours are. Impromptu visits to friends' homes are no-nos, must make appointment first.
When I was young(er), our family weekends included visiting friends and family to catch up. No appointment was required. We'd just turn up in front of their doorsteps and get welcomed in, spend an hour or so talking about this and that and leave happy. If they happened to be out, it wasn't an issue. We'd just drive off and go do something else.
Now things are so different even with relatives and close friends. When we happen to bump into each other at a restaurant or mall, we'd chat briefly, say goodbye with lip-service "we should catch up one day, some day". Or when we're online, we'd rather not chat with others whom we see are online too. It's easier to just indicate "busy", go "invisible" or sign out when we see others coming online (of course, there are those who are genuinely busy). I've been guilty of these so maybe my guilt manifests in return and makes me feel like people are avoiding me! Ah....self-analysis is confusing.
Anyway, I just think people are becoming less 'people' people and more 'self' (or selfish?) people these days in general, resulting in a less caring, apathetic society. Maybe I'm wrong...or could I be right?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
What a nut case!
I saw this in today's The Star.
JOHOR BARU: The welder who was hospitalised after he used a nut to elongate his penis was finally put out of his misery when doctors removed the offending spare part. Read more here.
What can I say? Some men are....
JOHOR BARU: The welder who was hospitalised after he used a nut to elongate his penis was finally put out of his misery when doctors removed the offending spare part. Read more here.
What can I say? Some men are....
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Random pictures
Caitlin giving her goldfish a cuddle
An ugly Malaysian driver in front of me throwing mangosteen skins out of his car window
"To dare is to do", motto of the Tottenham Hotspurs team
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Interesting people
Have you come across some people who give you that feeling that they must always be 'one-up'? Is it their inferiority complex manifesting as superiority complex? I'm not a psychologist...so why am I writing this post? I guess I'm just wondering why some people do things they do or say things they say that give you this impression.
They seem to place a lot of importance on what others think of them; of what they do, say, think, wear, the places they go to, etc. Does that have to do with lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem, or the opposite i.e. being absolutely full of themselves and overly prideful of their accomplishments?
Which do you prefer to be around?
The humble 'diam diam ubi berisi*' type, regardless of how successful or talented they are
or
The type that think the world revolves around them, those who show off, be it blatantly or subtly?
I'm trying not to discriminate either one here as both have its good and bad points, and advantages and disadvantages.
The former could probably be more well-liked by others, but being too 'quiet' at times may not get him as far as he wants to go. This is especially so when the people that matter are not aware of how capable he is.
Meanwhile, the latter could be irritating as hell, boasting all his life or always competing, but gets where he wants to be because everyone knows what he can do; it's just that he's too 'loud' at times.
I'm thinking of a middle ground. It's healthy to compete but it doesn't reflect well when you start to look like you must always be better than others i.e. 'kiasu' (afraid to lose). It's alright to tell others about your accomplishments, with the sincere intention of sharing your personal happiness or putting on record with your boss, for instance, what you have done. It's not too alright when you start telling others of your successes simply to boost your own ego.
* Malay proverb that means the opposite of 'empty vessels make the loudest noise'
They seem to place a lot of importance on what others think of them; of what they do, say, think, wear, the places they go to, etc. Does that have to do with lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem, or the opposite i.e. being absolutely full of themselves and overly prideful of their accomplishments?
Which do you prefer to be around?
The humble 'diam diam ubi berisi*' type, regardless of how successful or talented they are
or
The type that think the world revolves around them, those who show off, be it blatantly or subtly?
I'm trying not to discriminate either one here as both have its good and bad points, and advantages and disadvantages.
The former could probably be more well-liked by others, but being too 'quiet' at times may not get him as far as he wants to go. This is especially so when the people that matter are not aware of how capable he is.
Meanwhile, the latter could be irritating as hell, boasting all his life or always competing, but gets where he wants to be because everyone knows what he can do; it's just that he's too 'loud' at times.
I'm thinking of a middle ground. It's healthy to compete but it doesn't reflect well when you start to look like you must always be better than others i.e. 'kiasu' (afraid to lose). It's alright to tell others about your accomplishments, with the sincere intention of sharing your personal happiness or putting on record with your boss, for instance, what you have done. It's not too alright when you start telling others of your successes simply to boost your own ego.
* Malay proverb that means the opposite of 'empty vessels make the loudest noise'
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Ramblings on a rainy afternoon
God made everyone different. Nobody's perfect. We must learn to live with each other and accept each other warts and all. There are times we must be tolerant. There are times we must lay our cards on the table and get it straight, communicate, debate. But this must be done with the understanding from both parties that the ultimate goal for letting it all out is for better understanding and acceptance.
Name-calling, tantrums, unreasonable accusations, irrational actions would only hurt and not achieve anything positive. When one party is hurt, especially unfairly, the tendency is to react 'an eye for an eye'. It requires great effort, love and generosity to forgive. It requires humility, love and courage to ask for forgiveness. Egos must be set aside. Constructive feedback should be taken positively and viewed objectively, not emotionally. Critique should be given fairly, unemotionally, constructively, with relevant knowledge and not hearsay, biased opinion or assumptions. We must build, not destroy.
For what is life if it is always lived in anger, hatred and bitterness? It is a life with poison within your heart that pumps through your arteries and veins. Lava from an angry volcano destroys all in its path. A tree with poisonous roots bears poisonous fruits.
Love
1 Cor. 13
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude,
it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes
always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there
are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will come to pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes,
the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways
behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection;
then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I am full known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
Faith
by Beth Fagan Quinn
Faith begins by believing
in your heart that what is right
has a chance.
Faith is knowing in your heart
that good can overcome evil,
that the sun can shine
in a rainstorm.
Faith is peaceful
and comforting, because it
comes from within
where no one can invade
your private dreams.
Faith is not something
you can demand or command;
it is a result of commitment to belief.
Faith is believing in something
you can't see or hear,
something deep inside
that only you understand
and control.
Faith is trusting in yourself
enough to know that no matter
how things turn out,
you will make
the best of them.
Hope
by Anonymous
Hope is not the closing of your eyes
to the difficulty, the risk,
or the failure.
It is a trust that ...
If I fail now...
I shall not fail forever;
and if I am hurt,
I shall be healed.
It is a trust that
life is good,
love is powerful,
and the future is full of promise.
Name-calling, tantrums, unreasonable accusations, irrational actions would only hurt and not achieve anything positive. When one party is hurt, especially unfairly, the tendency is to react 'an eye for an eye'. It requires great effort, love and generosity to forgive. It requires humility, love and courage to ask for forgiveness. Egos must be set aside. Constructive feedback should be taken positively and viewed objectively, not emotionally. Critique should be given fairly, unemotionally, constructively, with relevant knowledge and not hearsay, biased opinion or assumptions. We must build, not destroy.
For what is life if it is always lived in anger, hatred and bitterness? It is a life with poison within your heart that pumps through your arteries and veins. Lava from an angry volcano destroys all in its path. A tree with poisonous roots bears poisonous fruits.
Love
1 Cor. 13
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude,
it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes
always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there
are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will come to pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes,
the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways
behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection;
then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I am full known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
Faith
by Beth Fagan Quinn
Faith begins by believing
in your heart that what is right
has a chance.
Faith is knowing in your heart
that good can overcome evil,
that the sun can shine
in a rainstorm.
Faith is peaceful
and comforting, because it
comes from within
where no one can invade
your private dreams.
Faith is not something
you can demand or command;
it is a result of commitment to belief.
Faith is believing in something
you can't see or hear,
something deep inside
that only you understand
and control.
Faith is trusting in yourself
enough to know that no matter
how things turn out,
you will make
the best of them.
Hope
by Anonymous
Hope is not the closing of your eyes
to the difficulty, the risk,
or the failure.
It is a trust that ...
If I fail now...
I shall not fail forever;
and if I am hurt,
I shall be healed.
It is a trust that
life is good,
love is powerful,
and the future is full of promise.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
A story
The water supply to the village was found to be contaminated. It had been so for the past 10 years but was only discovered recently. A young resident villager shared the information with his older neighbours and suggested that they take precautions to ensure their safety. They were now aware of the situation.
Some took the information positively and thanked the him for sharing his concern. Some others slammed him, saying that it was not his place to open his big mouth. The young villager's conscience was clear as he felt he had not done anything wrong. He was however disappointed that his longtime neighbours reacted unreasonably towards his open sharing of information and personal opinion. Their emotions got the better of their objectivity, unfortunately.
People are wired differently and each has his own idiosyncrasies. Nature, nurture, culture, phobias, past experiences all contribute to how a man thinks, feels, acts and behaves. So be it. What is white could be black to one, grey to another or even purple to someone else. But telling the truth is important, even if it hurts.
"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off" -- Gloria Steinem, feminist, journalist, women's rights advocate.
Some took the information positively and thanked the him for sharing his concern. Some others slammed him, saying that it was not his place to open his big mouth. The young villager's conscience was clear as he felt he had not done anything wrong. He was however disappointed that his longtime neighbours reacted unreasonably towards his open sharing of information and personal opinion. Their emotions got the better of their objectivity, unfortunately.
People are wired differently and each has his own idiosyncrasies. Nature, nurture, culture, phobias, past experiences all contribute to how a man thinks, feels, acts and behaves. So be it. What is white could be black to one, grey to another or even purple to someone else. But telling the truth is important, even if it hurts.
"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off" -- Gloria Steinem, feminist, journalist, women's rights advocate.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Abandoned
If a woman's pregnancy is unwanted, they should not dump their baby like a piece of dirty tissue. There are so many couples who are childless and would give anything to have a baby. Why can't these women give their child up for adoption instead? Maybe they are too embarrassed or ashamed that their child is conceived out of wedlock?
Even animals don't abandon their offspring.
Here's yet another case which just happened in the southern part of this country in a town called Batu Pahat, reported by local daily The Star:
Businessman gets baby in return for free ride
BATU PAHAT: A good Samaritan who gave a lift to a woman was shocked to find a baby abandoned in his car after dropping her off at the bus terminal.
Batu Pahat OCPD Asst Comm Ibrahim Aris said the businessman in his 30s was driving past a hypermarket on Sunday at about 8.30pm when the woman stopped him and asked for a lift.
“The woman, in her 20s, was not carrying anything except the baby in her arms,” he said, adding that woman got off from the back seat of the car on reaching the terminal.
ACP Ibrahim said the businessman realised something amiss five minutes later when he heard the baby cry on reaching Sri Gading.
He lodged a police report when he could not locate the woman after a search at the bus terminal.
He urged those with information to contact the police hotline at 07-2212-999.
Even animals don't abandon their offspring.
Here's yet another case which just happened in the southern part of this country in a town called Batu Pahat, reported by local daily The Star:
Businessman gets baby in return for free ride
BATU PAHAT: A good Samaritan who gave a lift to a woman was shocked to find a baby abandoned in his car after dropping her off at the bus terminal.
Batu Pahat OCPD Asst Comm Ibrahim Aris said the businessman in his 30s was driving past a hypermarket on Sunday at about 8.30pm when the woman stopped him and asked for a lift.
“The woman, in her 20s, was not carrying anything except the baby in her arms,” he said, adding that woman got off from the back seat of the car on reaching the terminal.
ACP Ibrahim said the businessman realised something amiss five minutes later when he heard the baby cry on reaching Sri Gading.
He lodged a police report when he could not locate the woman after a search at the bus terminal.
He urged those with information to contact the police hotline at 07-2212-999.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
A common issue only-child mums face
Why is it that when you have only one child, you tend to get questions and advice from people you meet about having a second one? What's wrong with having only one child? "She will be lonely", "One child is not enough", "Don't worry that you can't afford it, cross the bridge when you come to it" are the add-on comments. I try not to rebut most times as it is just a waste of effort.
Though these people may mean well and the concern is appreciated, I think they could have forgotten to be more sensitive to others' feelings and respect their choice, (and mine for instance).
Do they know the whole story? What if the couple is actually in a dilemma about whether to have another child or not? What if they have actually been trying hard and not been successful? What if there are other circumstances beyond their control?
On the opposite scenario, I doubt if there are many only-child mums who go around telling people NOT to have more than one child. I for one don't ask "How are you going to cope with so many kids?", "Aren't you thinking of getting a hysterectomy?" etc...
Though these people may mean well and the concern is appreciated, I think they could have forgotten to be more sensitive to others' feelings and respect their choice, (and mine for instance).
Do they know the whole story? What if the couple is actually in a dilemma about whether to have another child or not? What if they have actually been trying hard and not been successful? What if there are other circumstances beyond their control?
On the opposite scenario, I doubt if there are many only-child mums who go around telling people NOT to have more than one child. I for one don't ask "How are you going to cope with so many kids?", "Aren't you thinking of getting a hysterectomy?" etc...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Online friends
I have two options when I see my friends online. Sometimes, I leave them alone because I don't have anything to say to them, I'm busy or I just don't feel like talking. Sometimes, I drop them a line. Then I wait for a response. If they respond and are not busy, we chat for a short while. If they respond and are busy, we just say 'hi' and 'bye'.
If they don't respond, I sometimes wonder why. They are not at their desk? They don't want to talk to me? Whatever it is, a response, even if it's "sorry, I'm busy, can't talk", or "sorry, I'm not in the mood to talk to you" is better than a rude silence. Or there is always a status indicator that you can select or customise to notify others that you are busy, in a meeting, not at your desk, on the phone etc.
And if you can't continue chatting, please inform the other person. Don't just abandon the conversation. That's not nice at all. It's like leaving the phone off the hook halfway through a conversation and disappearing.
I think that technology is one of the reasons why some friends are not as close to each other as before. They think they can continue the friendship online via email, chat, social networking sites like Facebook...but it's just not the same, unless both parties make an effort to keep up with it.
I think it's about time I do some housekeeping with my chat and Facebook contact lists! Or maybe just forget about chatting online. Whatever happened to the good old days of meeting up, chatting over the phone or writing letters? I used to love the feeling of excitement when I find an envelope with a familiar handwriting of a friend in my mailbox.
If they don't respond, I sometimes wonder why. They are not at their desk? They don't want to talk to me? Whatever it is, a response, even if it's "sorry, I'm busy, can't talk", or "sorry, I'm not in the mood to talk to you" is better than a rude silence. Or there is always a status indicator that you can select or customise to notify others that you are busy, in a meeting, not at your desk, on the phone etc.
And if you can't continue chatting, please inform the other person. Don't just abandon the conversation. That's not nice at all. It's like leaving the phone off the hook halfway through a conversation and disappearing.
I think that technology is one of the reasons why some friends are not as close to each other as before. They think they can continue the friendship online via email, chat, social networking sites like Facebook...but it's just not the same, unless both parties make an effort to keep up with it.
I think it's about time I do some housekeeping with my chat and Facebook contact lists! Or maybe just forget about chatting online. Whatever happened to the good old days of meeting up, chatting over the phone or writing letters? I used to love the feeling of excitement when I find an envelope with a familiar handwriting of a friend in my mailbox.
Pictures of kids
Nothing is a better remedy for a sad or depressed soul than to just look at cute, sweet, comical, adorable pictures of kids, especially your own child(ren), nieces, nephews, god-children, children of friends you are close to.
Their chubby faces, toothless smiles, dribbly pouts, wide grins that make their eyes squint, funny poses etc can just melt those blues away.
I guess not everyone finds comfort from looking at kids' pictures when they are down; especially not those who are single, married without kids, or not interested in kids I think.
Other forms of 'therapy' could be chilling out with friends, binging on a fave food, audio (blasting the stereo) or visual (getting 'lost' in the TV) therapy, retail therapy (shop till you drop), reading, meditation, prayer, yoga, exercise, drinking (this is a bad one), drugs (this is a really bad one), hypnosis, psychiatric or psychological help, counseling, support groups, extreme sports,.... or you can choose to just sit there and mope.
Kids are ultimately a joy to have, to be around, to experience, despite all the challenges that come with the package - well..., for me at least. I'll try to remember this when I pick up Caitlin from school and continue with today's routine with her.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Meaning of names
Do you know the meaning of your name? When we were expecting our daughter, the search for the 'perfect' name for her was aided by the internet, and a rather unconventional (it contained a lot of uncommon names like Andromeda and Gaia for e.g.) English baby names book for her Christian name which we found in a bookstore. For her Chinese name we used a Chinese names book with romanized letters and English-translated meanings (both of us don't know Mandarin, shame on us...we are what is termed as 'bananas' - yellow on the outside, white on the inside!).
Last year, when Caitlin had to learn to write her Chinese name in Chinese characters at school, I had to look it up again to let her teacher know. I then realised I had quite forgotten what her Chinese name means, as well as her Christian name(s). I only remembered that Caitlin means 'pure' or 'clear'. And I couldn't remember what her middle name Sophia means.
I did a search and found Think Baby Names dotcom which provides more than the meaning of names. It provides the origin, variants, pronunciation and also gives statistics of how popular the name was in past years. According to it, in the year Caitlin was born, her name ranked midway between the top 200.
As for 'Sophia', it means 'wisdom' and was ranked among the top 50 in 2002.
Last year, when Caitlin had to learn to write her Chinese name in Chinese characters at school, I had to look it up again to let her teacher know. I then realised I had quite forgotten what her Chinese name means, as well as her Christian name(s). I only remembered that Caitlin means 'pure' or 'clear'. And I couldn't remember what her middle name Sophia means.
I did a search and found Think Baby Names dotcom which provides more than the meaning of names. It provides the origin, variants, pronunciation and also gives statistics of how popular the name was in past years. According to it, in the year Caitlin was born, her name ranked midway between the top 200.
As for 'Sophia', it means 'wisdom' and was ranked among the top 50 in 2002.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
How far would you go for love?
For Christians, nothing surpasses the greatest love of all, the love of God, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Shakespeare immortalised 'undying' love with Romeo and Juliet. Hollywood glamourised it at the 86th floor of New York's Empire State Building where Cary Grant waited (in vain) for Deborah Kerr in an "Affair to Remember", and later with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in "Sleepless in Seattle." Of course Bollywood has its share with song and dance amidst coconut trees.
(picture from thestar.com.my)
In real life, there are countless such acts of love too. I'm sure you have heard and read stories of normal average Joes (and Janes) climbing the highest mountain and crossing the deepest ocean to profess their eternal love. Or maybe, they are not normal or average...?
There are two I can recall i.e. here, and here. I am reserving my personal comments on such 'feats'. "To each his own".
What would you do? What would you give to profess your love? Would it be money, time, a precious or expensive present, an act of bravery or sacrifice, your life?
Shakespeare immortalised 'undying' love with Romeo and Juliet. Hollywood glamourised it at the 86th floor of New York's Empire State Building where Cary Grant waited (in vain) for Deborah Kerr in an "Affair to Remember", and later with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in "Sleepless in Seattle." Of course Bollywood has its share with song and dance amidst coconut trees.
(picture from thestar.com.my)
In real life, there are countless such acts of love too. I'm sure you have heard and read stories of normal average Joes (and Janes) climbing the highest mountain and crossing the deepest ocean to profess their eternal love. Or maybe, they are not normal or average...?
There are two I can recall i.e. here, and here. I am reserving my personal comments on such 'feats'. "To each his own".
What would you do? What would you give to profess your love? Would it be money, time, a precious or expensive present, an act of bravery or sacrifice, your life?
Friday, February 22, 2008
Do you keep your word?
What is a promise to you? Do you keep your word or follow through with an assurance you have given someone? In my experience only four out of five people genuinely mean what they say when they say "I promise to...", "Don't worry, I will..." and the likes.
Most times, it depends on who they are responding to. If it is a loved one, a respected elder or your boss, then you'd tend to keep your word. Otherwise, people think they can get away with it. I've been guilty of that too myself. If you are in the sales line, you would have been on the receiving end of this so many times that you tend to let it go out the other ear and not hold your breath for these people.
In the corporate and business world, it is important for one to keep their word. If an agreement has been made, be it verbally, in writing or with a handshake, it would be in the person's best interest to uphold his integrity in order to be respected and trusted. If you are a professional and provide a specialised service, it also makes sense to be careful what you promise your customers and prospects.
I get disappointed when my 'friends' tell me "Not to worry, only for you, because you are my friend..." or "I'll get back to you in three days' time", and then disappear from the face of the earth i.e. don't answer or return calls (thanks to caller ID), give excuses and plead forgetfulness and busy-ness when confronted etc.
In this world, sometimes, it is not who you are, but what you can give them in return that gets them to keep their word (As they say, what's in it for me? There's no such thing as a free lunch!). It is not what you know or can do, but who you know that gets you where you want to be....
We live in a fallen world indeed....
Most times, it depends on who they are responding to. If it is a loved one, a respected elder or your boss, then you'd tend to keep your word. Otherwise, people think they can get away with it. I've been guilty of that too myself. If you are in the sales line, you would have been on the receiving end of this so many times that you tend to let it go out the other ear and not hold your breath for these people.
In the corporate and business world, it is important for one to keep their word. If an agreement has been made, be it verbally, in writing or with a handshake, it would be in the person's best interest to uphold his integrity in order to be respected and trusted. If you are a professional and provide a specialised service, it also makes sense to be careful what you promise your customers and prospects.
I get disappointed when my 'friends' tell me "Not to worry, only for you, because you are my friend..." or "I'll get back to you in three days' time", and then disappear from the face of the earth i.e. don't answer or return calls (thanks to caller ID), give excuses and plead forgetfulness and busy-ness when confronted etc.
In this world, sometimes, it is not who you are, but what you can give them in return that gets them to keep their word (As they say, what's in it for me? There's no such thing as a free lunch!). It is not what you know or can do, but who you know that gets you where you want to be....
We live in a fallen world indeed....
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