Looking back -- 2015 and 2016

Since my last post here, there have been many events, activities, milestones that I've yet to record, more for myself to remember. I'm glad that Facebook has this Facebook Memories feature that reminds you of what you posted on the exact same date one, two or however many years ago since you joined FB (as long as you didn't delete the old posts).

Today, FB reminded me that two years ago on 4th January 2015, it was the first day of school.  This year, the school term started yesterday.

In 2014, Caitlin started her secondary education in a new school. It is actually what we call a 'learning centre', which is quite a common thing now in Malaysia. Learning centres are privately set up places that run like a school but on a smaller scale. These 'schools' offer private education -- international school curriculum, mostly the UK-based curriculum, although there are some which offer USA-based ones using various homeschooling curriculum, Australian-based or religious-based ones. Unlike full-fledged international schools that charge very high school fees, these learning centres are more affordable. They, however, do not come with expatriate teachers, fancy facilities like tennis courts, Olympic-size pools, large teaching and admin staff, broad spectrum of extra curricular activities and elective subjects. For parents who can't afford exorbitant school fees yet have decided to opt out of the public school system, they would either homeschool their children themselves at home (it has caught on and grown quickly here), or look to such learning centres for adequate coverage of academic subjects and extra-curricular activities without the fancy frills.

When C started in this learning centre for Year 7 in 2014, I was offered a teaching position in the pre-school section in June 2014. It was my first time going back to a full-time job after nine years of staying at home. As the assistant teacher to a class of 25 five-year-old children, it proved to be too much. The hours were long and the salary didn't match the work and stress involved, simply because the industry norms are such in this country. The class teacher I was assisting took advantage of having me as her assistant, the school despite not having a qualified special needs teacher, accepted a special needs student in that class. Needless to say, after two months, I decided to quit because I couldn't stand the stress -- more time was spent in trying to manage disruption, scolding, punishing, than providing a caring and conducive learning environment.

However, I remained as a subject teacher where I focused on teaching the children phonics reading on a one-on-one basis. That continued for a little over 1.5 years, until February 2016 when I decided it wasn't worth my time and energy traveling twice -- for my work and then to fetch C, as her school hours were different from mine.

My voluntary work at church, which I started in late 2013, was also taking up some of my time, in addition to the existing commitment of writing a fortnightly column since 2012.

Fast forward to the present, three years later....what took place in between has been shared mainly in this post. So now I'm sharing from where I left to fill in some gaps for 2015/6.

Highlights of 2015 and 2016 in pictures:

April 2015 was when Eugene turned 50. We had a family feast at home with his family.

My two nieces from USA came to Malaysia for a visit in June/July 2015. It was good spending time with them for some cousin bonding! Precious moments to cherish.

Thirty years after we left Form 5, our class organised a reunion in November 2015. About a third of the class made it for the reunion where we visited our old school and had hi-tea at the Majestic Hotel in Malacca.

Right after we graduated from university, four of us gal pals made a trip to Pulau Besar in Malacca. In November 2015, 20 years later, we decided to re-live our trip by getting together in Bentong for two nights of food and relaxation. It took some planning between the four of us busy bees to find a suitable date but we made it!

In December 2015, my church held is bi-annual Christmas Cantata. Caitlin and I participated in the one in 2013 but this time, only I took part, singing in the alto section.

Also in December 2015, Caitlin passed her Grade 3 drum exam with distinction, and performed in her music school's annual concert. Since then, she has moved on to Grade 5 and has also taken up the electric guitar.

In late 2015, Eugene and I attended the Alpha Parenting course at my church, culminating with the final session in Teluk Intan in January 2016 as my Pastor had been transfered there in December 2015. It was a good time of getting together with the fellow parents of this course, our children and a few other church members who came along to join us in visiting our pastor and playing tourist in Teluk Intan. This pictures show us at the leaning tower of Teluk Intan.

In February 2016, we celebrated Chinese New Year. Every year, we would have the reunion dinner and also spend the first day of CNY with Eugene's side of the family. On the second day, we went to my parents' home and feasted again.

In March 2016, Caitlin wanted to add on a cymbal to her drum kit, so we encouraged and helped her to raise funds for the purchase by baking and selling chocolate and coffee chip cookies. She did all the baking and I helped with advertising, packaging and delivery. After some sweat and agony of hard work, she made quite a fair bit of money, and with the pocket and angpow money she had saved, she managed to get what she wanted.

In March 2016, we went to Penang to attend Eugene's cousin's wedding. I decided to take the opportunity to meet up with old friends from my university days whom I had not seen for many years. Some of them bought Caitlin's cookies!

In April 2016, Caitlin participated in the 4 X 100m event in her school's Sports Day. Her team emerged with the silver medal.

In May 2016, Caitlin and I went to Malacca for my church Family Camp. We had a good time of learning and fun, which included a walking treasure hunt around the historical area.

During the June 2016 school holidays, Caitlin and I took a trip to Cherating, and left Eugene at home to toil in the office ;-p We made a pit stop in Kuantan for lunch before proceeding to Club Med. Before checking in, we visited the Turtle Sanctuary located beside the resort. we spent four days relaxing and participating in some of the activities. Caitlin joined the Teens' Club and made friends with other teens, participated in outdoor activities like archery and swinging (or rather falling!) on the trapeze. I enjoyed the open space, greenery, beach, a short hike up a hill, the nightly shows, the food and the long drive to and fro. We also went kayaking together.

June 2016 included the Chinese Dumpling Festival. We were invited to the home of a church member to join a few families in some fun, making the rice dumplings from scratch, and learning how to assemble, wrap and tie up the dumplings with leaves and strings. It was hard work trying to get them in the right shape and tying them up correctly.

 My dad celebrated his 77th birthday in August 2016. We didn't have a big party so it was just a small slice of cake and coffee one Sunday afternoon when he and mum visited us in KL.

We also made a trip to Ipoh in August 2016 to join the extended family of Eugene's mum in celebrating his aunt and uncle's 70th birthday. It was a big gathering of the clan and a reunion of sorts, as aunt and uncle came all the way from Seattle to celebrate with family. Other aunts, uncles and cousins also made the effort to come from Seattle, Japan, Penang, and Kuala Lumpur.

In September 2016, we joined my younger brother and his family on an impromptu visit to Legoland. It was our first time there so we had great fun at the theme park, on the rides, looking at all the marvelous Lego-built stuff and going on all the water slides repetitively.

In mid 2016, I began exploring other part-time jobs and found one in teaching a six-year-old how to read during his summer holidays. After seven weeks of reading with him daily on weekdays, he improved his reading skills and made me a thank-you card before he went back to school in September.

In October 2016, Caitlin turned 14. It was another party at home with family and the highlight was the pandan jelly cake from the famous bakery in Klang whose owner was the creator of this cake (that's been duplicated and sold by others over the years).

The picture below shows three good old friends who have known each other since they were eight. There are a few more of us in this 'gang' but they are currently living in other countries. We try to meet up at least once a year to catch up so we managed to do so in October 2016 at a coffee and cake place in The Atria, Damansara, chatting and exchanging notes about parenting our teenage and young-adult children.

Caitlin's school year, her third year (Year 9) at the learning centre, ended in November 2016 with the customary year-end concert to celebrate the students' achievements. Her class presented a song-and-dance performance. This picture is of her with her school mates singing an action song at the finale. This year, she enters Year 10 to start her IGCSE O Level studies until next year.....How quickly they grow up.....

The year-end school holidays in November 2016 began with us hosting two wonderful homeschooled children for a few days while their parents attended a conference away from home. We had lots of fun doing stuff together like baking cookies, making jelly, playing with Rusty, and best of all, forming a mini band to present a song to their mum as a birthday surprise. Children are fun to be with and they learn and adapt so quickly. Within a few practices, they got the song right.

December is always a busy month with church and family activities centred around Christmas. December 2016 was not any different as I conducted carolling practice at church for our carolling visits to members' homes and the Wesley Home for the old folk. The Ongs also continued with the family tradition of attending midnight mass at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Klang, followed by midnight supper of roast lamb and chicken before opening presents till the wee hours of the morning. The 2016 Christmas family photo theme was 'Christmas in white'; idea credit goes to Eugene.

In early December 2016, ACE made a trip to Penang to 'jalan jalan, cari makan'. It was four days of foodie adventure and we ate to our hearts' content. We also did the necessary street art tour and visited an upside down 'museum', featuring an upside down house where we could pose for silly shots.

Last but not least, I must not leave out my faithful and loyal boy, Rusty, our four-legged furkid who celebrated his 8th birthday on 1st November 2016. As  he gets older, he tends to have some skin problems every now and then so he's been rather clean shaven these days compared to the past. He continues to enjoy being by my side wherever I may be at home. If he is not snoozing, he would be nudging me for pats and food, of course.

And finally, we've come to the end of this post chronicling the highlights of 1.5 years' worth of our lives. It took me the entire morning, right into my lunch time to search for the pictures from my unorganised folders, mobile phone and Facebook to compile them chronologically here. I hope I'm better organised in 2017!!

After 10 years at home

This blog
I wrote the very first post in this blog on 20 March 2007, and up to the post before this one, there had been 797 others in the span of eight years. It covered a mish mash of topics, but mainly about things that matter to me i.e. my child, family, things we did, places we visited, my weird thoughts and feelings. In the early days of my blog, when my life was very focused on growing my toddler, I wrote several posts a day. As time passed and things changed, it was reduced to one post a day, one post a week, one post a fortnight, then one post a month and now, it looks like it's one post a year! One post a year is the very least I should do, so I'm writing one now as March appears to be a significant month when I left my 13-year career in corporate communication in March 2005, making it 10 years already now.

The past year, 2014, and present 2015
A few important and significant events and achievements I can remember off-hand right now:

Family Travels
During the March 2014 school holidays, we made a short trip to Ipoh. Besides enjoying Ipoh's yummy food, we visited Lost World of Tambun. The rides there were nothing to shout about, but we enjoyed its closeness to the limestone hills, and soaking in the hot spring.

We went on our very first cruise to Phuket and Krabi in May 2014 on Star Cruises. It was a fun and educational family holiday.

In November 2014, we spent a few days by the beach in Penang, savoured hawker fare, got C hooked on 'ice kacang', and attended a relative's wedding at the Blue Mansion. We drove on the Second 'Crooked' Bridge for the very first time, visited Penang Hill and the 3D Museum.

In February 2015, we travelled to Seremban and Melaka for Chinese New Year.

Caitlin
C switched to a new school in January 2014, and began her first secondary school year. It took off on a bad note with a class bully targeting her. It was a rough patch which tested our perseverance and wisdom as parents. After a few dramatic incidents and the dismissal of the student, the rest of the school year moved on generally well. She joined her school floorball team and participated in two tournaments, both with victory, considering the team was only less than two months old. She continues to attend training every week.

She also performed a solo 'Hairspray' number in the year-end school concert. She and her friends practised hard singing and dancing with the guidance of good teachers. She also won 'Best Achievement' awards for English (her favourite subject) and ICT.

C still plays the drums and is into her seventh year making a ruckus at home when she practises. She is into her second year playing in church two Sundays a month. She also started vocal lessons.

In November, C insisted on adopting a rescued pup from Malaysian Dogs Deserve Better, much against our desire for practical reasons. We relented hoping that she would learn to be less self-centred and more responsible. We are still hoping *grit teeth and grin*. She named the pup Mocha. Mocha is a thriving, up-to-mischief, active six-month-old now.

Eugene
E remains in his current job and continues to be the main breadwinner for our little family. He took up cycling seriously and had spent a considerable amount of time and money on this renewed interest, cycling with a group every weekend. He participated in his first 'century ride' (100 miles) in Trengganu. He has signed up for another century ride this May 2015 in Perak.

He is also exercising regularly by running on the treadmill, and for short distances with the dogs when he walks them in the evenings. Next, he would probably consider swimming...and the Ironman Triathlon, maybe?? As work and exercise take up most of his time, the rest is spent exercising his fingers on the TV remote, iPad or mobile phone....but he also spends a considerable amount of time picking up where I left off (the Cantonese would say 'mo ngan thai' or 'no eye see') in dealing with a strong-willed teenager, talking about stuff and giving pep talks at the dining table.

Anna
Ten years at home. And to say my oft-said phrase, time flies. In the span of 10 years, I have, and am still, raising a girl who is quite like me in some ways (strong-willed and opinionated to say the least); therefore I continue to struggle with constant battles of knowing when to release and when to pull in the kite strings. Parenthood is a treacherous yet weirdly fulfilling journey. All other responsibilities as a cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, administrator, nurse, teacher, gardener, laundrywoman, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, aunt, sister, etc., remain unchanged.

In 10 years, I have earned some supplementary income, mainly through writing and writing-related work. I tried making money by blogging and writing sponsored posts but discovered it just wasn't me to write stuff I wasn't interested in simply to earn some peanuts. It was different when I was in employment to do that. So I turned to writing about stuff I like. I had a fortnightly parenting column in a local daily for two years. Then I shifted to a different column under a pseudonym, and am still doing so. In between, I got random assignments to write interviews, website articles on parenting and educational subjects, transcribing and proofreading.

In June 2014, I was approached by C's principal to teach at their kindergarten. As I enjoyed being around children, and given the opportunity to teach them how to read, I accepted the offer. It started off quite uncomfortably with assisting a rather bossy co-worker, and other unexpected additional work, but progressed well with me becoming a part-time teacher, responsible for teaching reading only. As the timing and travel arrangements were not practical, I stopped teaching last month. Next month, I shall be helping a few kindergarten and primary school children in that school, guiding them with their homework in the afternoon. This arrangement would be better for me.

I am resuming my interest in reading books, not just articles on the internet. It is about time as I feel totally guilty hoarding books but never making the time to read them. So this month, being in-between jobs, I've managed to read three books and have started another one.

In the past three years, I've also become more active in my faith, by going to church every Sunday where possible, and serving in a few areas.

By God's grace and strength, I hope to continue doing everything I do with a joyful and generous heart. I have learned much in 10 years, too much to list out here.

2014 was a good year with many new things for us. May 2015 be as good, if not better.

Last but not least, another family member says, 'Hi!' Dear Rusty has been a good boy the past year. Unfortunately, he has not been getting as much attention since Mocha joined the family.

Nine years already?

Last month marked exactly nine years of my life as a homemaker mainly. Again, as I always say, how time flies. In a blink of an eye, the 2+ year old kid I stayed at home for is now 11+ going on 17. So much has changed.

We've moved homes, we've changed cars, changed schools, we've gotten plants and pets, we've experienced more of life as we grow older. She was knee-high then and now she can almost look me straight in the eye. She makes smart remarks not to amuse me but more to annoy me now. She had to be fed and changed but now she can cook (some food) and refuses to wear dresses and skirts, only jeans and tshirts or cool-looking blouses. She had to be read to but now she reads loads more books than me on her own. I can go on about her like how most mums would love to but I guess it's enough for now.

Is nine years a milestone? I'm not sure. Over these nine years, I've learned, seen, experienced, felt, eaten, visited, cooked, created, laughed, cried, screamed, shouted, made mistakes, thought, wrote, sang, played, made new friends. I could add more verbs if I continue to ramble.

Nine years of riding on a rollercoaster up and down, and driving in slow and fast lanes, and now in the middle lane. It would be good to cruise on autopilot but yet, there are some, just some areas that need piloting manually still. Such is life.

Glad and thankful I can rely on Higher Power all the time. Tasks and responsibilities seem to be increasing. So is the number of grey hairs, and the reading on the weighing scale! While the selfish me finds it a chore and pain at times in doing things as a service to others, I always end up feeling good. It is good to be generous, kind and helpful. It improves your spirit and soul. Never mind about looking good on the outside with branded clothes and shoes, and saying pretentious things to impress others. It's more fulfilling to look good on the inside, secretly, so to speak, where only you and your Creator know.

So what's next? Many tell me to, or ask if I'd go back to my 'old' life i.e. go back to employment. Should I? Do I know when? Will I ever? Do I want to? I don't know. Am I directionless? I doubt it. Was my education and work experience wasted? Only if you're narrow minded enough to think that. I do the little I can for now to supplement our income so that it's just enough to meet our needs. After nine years, I can't picture myself going back into the corporate world and running the rat race. I will run it only if I'm convinced it's good for me and my family, if it's something I'm passionate about.

Sometimes, you may plan all you want to get to your dream destination, but there could be unexpected detours. As the saying goes, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. Enjoy the gift and share it.

One of my favourite flowers :)

Time

We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Do we spend it with purpose,  or are we so rooted in our daily routines that we've forgotten why we are doing certain things, that everything is on autopilot? A message a friend sent me on Whatsapp a few days ago prompted this thought.

This friend had shared with me an online business opportunity which she recently joined. She asked me to look into it as she said that in the past eight days, she had already made USD1000. I haven't made the time to do some research on this business she recommended, but one of my questions to her was how much time did she have to spend on the business daily? I told her I am always faced with the 'too much to do, too little time' conundrum. And it got me thinking that we all have 24 hours a day. We need to choose wisely and make conscious decisions on how we use our time and for what purpose we use it. This is because, as I always tell C when reminding her not to waste time, when we run out of things or money, we can always find ways to get more, but with time, once we pass that moment, it's gone forever, We cannot turn back the clock.

It's time to evaluate and take stock of what I do in a day, in a week, in a month. When we list and break down our chores, responsibilities and needs, and the time spent on them, we will know how effectively we have used our time. I'm not saying that our lives must be run like a precision machine with no margin for error and no flexibility to steal a catnap or take a long holiday. I am the first to confess that I waste way too much time, especially online. Although my blogging hours have much reduced, they've been replaced by Facebook and reading stuff online. I'm a sucker for information.

Yeah, so I Facebook and read stuff online daily. Apart from that, my time is used daily and weekly:

. making 3.5 meals a day
. using the washer to wash laundry, hanging them out in the sun, taking them in, folding and ironing
. going to the market and supermarket for food and household stuff
. rinsing the car porch off Rusty's pee every morning, he loves my car tyres :(
. feeding Rusty and all the fish in our small aquarium and water lily jars
. reading and sending email
. sweeping the car porch floor
. watering plants, pruning, pulling weeds, planting, uprooting
. washing bathrooms
. fetching C from school
. sending/fetching C to/from music lessons
. making beds
. blogging
. writing an average of one article a week
. preparing weekly church bulletin
. going to church
. going out for meals on weekends
. visiting my parents
. giving Rusty a bath
. supervising, advising, nagging, discussing, arguing, helping, teaching, caring for C
. cooking extra food to try out or create new recipes, or for freezing
. paying (a stack of) bills
. attending to household matters that crop up ever so often
. watching 1-2 hours of tv (a week)
. learning a language (when I remember to)
. planning ahead (projects, holidays) -- I trrry to.....
. sleeping 7-8 hours every night if possible
. eating
. attending to personal hygiene

I've not included the 'tidying up, clearing clutter' part which I keep procrastinating, and another important activity I have yet to get motivated on -- exercising.

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." -- C. S. Lewis

New Year, New Template Design, Photos Gone!

Happy New Year 2014. Sigh, it's the first day of school for C. After sending her to school, I was glad I could have my mornings to myself again after 6-7 weeks of school holidays. I hadn't blogged since November 13 and I thought since it's the new year, I'd change the template design of this blog. Little did I know that by changing it, all the photos in this blog from 2009 onwards are gone. And I didn't backup the old template! Stupid me :(

A check with Blogger Help indicates that I might have inadvertently deleted them via Google+ while I was deleting some albums in my android phone (which definitely is linked to Google....). I'm not that tech savvy and didn't realise that those photos in the blog album were not merely duplicates...but I'm still puzzled why Google does not provide any warning on such intended actions to the user when choosing to delete......big, big, big sigh. I shouldn't have used Google+ simply because someone asked me to for work reasons, for ease of sharing files. Five years' worth of photos in this blog are gone....what a way to start the new year in this blog, which I have renamed, incidentally.

Pictures and photos are so important in illustrating words and feelings. How now, brown cow?

An extraordinarily busy November

I am busier than usual this month with an unexpected daily responsibility which takes up my entire morning. Then I cram the entire day's routine chores and responsibilities in the afternoon and evening. That leaves me with hardly any room to breathe for anything extra. In fact, I might have to just put some routine stuff on the backburner temporarily too. Definitely no 'me' time for the longest period ever.

And school will be out for the year in a few days' time which means whatever I do, wherever I go, I have one easily irritable pre-teen like a thorn in my side, because the things I do and the places I go to may not be kid-friendly or liked by her.

Not having an extra pair of hands around the house makes it harder. It's in such a time I wish I have a domestic helper whom I can trust to do the no-brainer household chores, prepare food so that my cooking time is cut short, and keep watch on C if I need to go out to run errands for a short while.

It's difficult to not compare myself with other SAHMs who appear to have less things to worry about, less responsibilities to juggle. The list of  'if only' wishes is a long one. On one hand I wish for better circumstances, on the other, I appreciate that my circumstances are not as bad as some others'. I am amazed how some destitute, single mums with five mouths to feed keep it all together and come out triumphant.

Don't Carpe Diem

I haven't posted here for over a month. Usually my longest is 2-3 weeks. There's been too much going on lately and right now, I can't even place a finger on the 'what and where' of all that's 'going on'. My mind's rather blank, not that it's 'blank' blank, but like when you go to a huge library, with rows and rows of books on rows and rows of shelves from wall to wall, floor to ceiling....you can't see an individual book but a big, huge blurry image of so many, many books. Gee, I don't even know if what I've just written makes any sense!

Anyway, just some quick updates with whatever I can recall. The days have been rather routine....and for those in temperate countries in the northern hemisphere, summer's just gone and fall has come. We're entering the final quarter of 2013! Gosh, where did the year go? C's going to take her school's end-of-year exam in mid October. We're at another crossroad. She will be in Year 6 next year. Her final year of primary school. As we had switched her to an international syllabus this year, she has the option to sit or not sit for the UPSR. Yes or no? I'm still wondering. When we don't have any choices, we complain. When we have, we also complain....

C's eczema and allergies as usual are roller-coastering. I took her yesterday to get an alternative approach to managing it. Will see how it goes within the next few weeks before I provide more information here. The place is in Desa Seri Hartamas, the other end of KL and this specialist is a busy one so I managed to get an appointment which saw us arriving straight from school just in time. After we got done, we decided to have an early dinner at the adjacent mall before heading home. We got caught in after-office traffic and it took us 1.5 hours to reach home. It was a long day for both of us but we managed. It helped that we heard a song on radio closer towards home -- this parody of the current, strange hit of " The Fox". For me, it's Gangnam meets Bollywood by a Norwegian group.

And this is the parody by our local radio station:
 


I continue my love-hate relationship with writing for some money. The same goes with parenting. Recently I read an article in Huffington Post which expressed this really well.

Don't Carpe Diem
Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama  gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

Today

"I was going about my day when I came across a cuboid-shaped black box. I touched it and got transported through a portal. I saw very bright lights and found myself in a strange city. I asked the people there where that place was and they told me it was Malaysia. The year was 2095. So I asked why am I not in school? They said there are no schools. No such thing as schools. And then I noticed (but kept it to myself) that the people were wearing handphones as shoes. And they were playing games on their shoes!"

Caitlin dreamed this last night. That part about schools not existing in 2095 definitely reflects her current sentiment about school. She currently doesn't like going to school because the friends she likes are no longer in the same class as her. They have switched over to the international syllabus which the school has started offering this year, while she remains in the local syllabus. She doesn't like studying Bahasa Malaysia. She wants to study literature, history and geography (besides English, science and math), and all subjects in the English language. She is not looking forward to taking the UPSR, the standardised government exam for Year 6. She said she had a tummy ache this morning and is skipping school today ...

And what about me? Yeah, I have dreams (or are they worries?) too about the future. Meanwhile, the current reality about life in general, and C's education is a dark cloud with a yet-to-be found silver lining. But I have hope, and I need to put out the laundry now.

Still on first gear

I couldn't think of an appropriate title for this post but the above describes my 'speed' at the moment after six days into 2013. Yesterday I finally decided on my new year resolutions! Forming them in my mind and putting them down on paper sounds easy now that that's done. Working on them is another story....So now I'm still on first gear. Realising your resolutions is like driving a manual shift car. You can't just put it into 'D' like an automatic car, step on the pedal, and expect the gears to shift themselves.

This year, one resolution is to eat more fruits and veges and exercise. My recent medical checkup indicates that I need to. I am at my heaviest in my entire life, have access body fat, lack muscles, and have below normal metabolism. Back in the day, when I was a teenager and in my 20s, I was scrawny and underweight. I could wear XS-sized clothes.

I remember when I used to be fit when I was in my early 30s. Spending four days outdoors every two weeks for two years climbing hills, trekking jungles, canoeing in seas and rivers, camping under hole-y tents, waking before dawn to exercise, breathing in relatively fresh air and being amidst greenery helped build some muscles and fitness. I'm glad that my job gave me that opportunity then. Now in this job, I wake just after dawn, prepare breakfast, do laundry, cook, sit in the car and in front of the computer.

Yesterday, my notebook suddenly decided to become Sleeping Beauty. I turned it on but it didn't boot up or show anything on the screen. E checked it and tried the various necessary things to resuscitate it but it was in vain. I take it as a sign that I should cut down my internet and computer time and use it as needed for real work only. Having our desktop on the third floor of our home now helps I guess. When it's not in front of me I'd be less tempted to keep it on all day long and poke my nose into what my Facebook friends are doing, read unnecessary stuff online or surf.

I hope that will make me get on my feet, be active physically and spend more time doing other more beneficial stuff.

And I shall sign out now before I get sucked into the dark hole of the online world!

A day in the life of Me

Today, like every weekday, I woke up at 6:00am, and the following is a list of my activities:

Made and packed breakfast for E and C to eat in the car on the way to school.

After waving goodbye to them, I washed the floor of the car porch and watered the plants. Changed the water in the big jar for the water lily.

Then I combed Rusty's fur and tried my best to untangle some parts while he tried to run away from me after awhile.

Had my breakfast while reading the day's news online, checked e-mail and Facebook. Paid some bills online too.

Handwashed some clothes which couldn't be washed in the machine.

E returned from school as he had used my car. His car was left at the workshop yesterday. So we went to the workshop for him to collect his car and he went to work from there while I drove myself home.

When I got home, the autogate did not shut properly somehow. Rusty ran out. I had to go looking for him under the hot morning sun. After walking around for about 10 minutes in the neighbourhood, I found him. He didn't want to come to me and kept running away. I had to chase him and finally caught and brought him home on a leash.

I was hot and bothered so I sat down for a drink and continued poking my nose around Facebook.

Had an early lunch in order to fetch C as she dismissed earlier than usual today due to Speech Day rehearsal.

Got home, took foodstuff out of fridge to thaw and prepare for dinner. Told C to take a shower. She decide to read while sitting on the throne instead. Nagged at her to stop reading and start showering. She continued reading. Reminded her to shower. She continued reading. Yelled at her to shower. She finally did.

Cleaned the living, dining and dry kitchen floor.

Ironed some clothes.

Had a cup of coffee and watched some YouTube videos while it rained heavily outside.

Fed Rusty.

Started stir frying vegetables when the doorbell rang. Attended to the technician who came to fix our faulty water heater. Turns out it is not faulty. It is the electrical plug point that is faulty. Called electrician who can come only next Monday.

Continued cooking the half-cooked vegetables and other dishes for dinner.

Rested for an hour upstairs while C was having her tuition downstairs.

Ate dinner. Nagged at C to eat faster and not read while eating. She continued to eat slowly. Told her to stop reading, she continued reading. E returned from work and had dinner. Cleared the dining table after dinner was over.

Called C's drum teacher to discuss replacement classes and future arrangements due to certain changes.

Made a mental note to call the boarding facility to reserve a place for Rusty when we go on holiday soon. Need to get a dental appointment for C too.

Told C to stop reading again and start her homework.

Blogging here as C is doing her homework. Got irritated because C was not focused on her homework. She did not check her work and continued reading her book. She did not make the corrections carefully because she was preoccupied with her reading. (Reading is a good habit only if you know when to put the book down to do other important stuff!)

C is done with homework and has gone to get ready for bed.

I'm done with this blog post and wonder what I should do next.....

Lethargic musings

It appears that the frequency of my posts is much less nowadays compared to a few years back when the enthusiasm to blog was still burning. Those days, I could just write a few within a day. Whatever musings and happenings would just be recorded here for remembrance or simply for the sake of ranting.

Seasons change. So do people and routines. But part of the reason why I 'talk' less here is because of Facebook. I 'talk' there more these days. I find it easier because the people there appear more 'present' than here. And it's much faster to post one liners of thoughts, rants and info, share pictures and videos through Facebook. It's much more 'instant'. It's more accessible as I can use my Android phone for it. I could use my phone to blog too but it's such a pain to be typing with one fingertip on the phone screen. And I keep pressing the wrong letters and many words end up being misspelled. That's one of my pet grouses of a touch-screen phone. With a computer keyboard, I can type much faster using 10 fingers, thanks to old-fashioned typewriting lessons I took during my free time after the Form 3 exams which was then known as SRP....

I've been feeling lethargic lately. Unmotivated. Unenthusiastic. Lazy. Tired. Sluggish. No mood, as they say. It's more of a mental state than a physical condition -- my personal diagnosis. But daily stuff still need to be done. And they have been done albeit without enthusiasm, barely meeting my personal standards of quality :)

C appears to have morphed from cheery and manageable pre-schooler to a sometimes sullen, grumpy, impatient and strong-minded rebel tween overnight. To say the least, it's been mentally and emotionally exhausting for me. I wonder how mothers with more than one such child cope and get through their days happy and not depressed. They must be yogis with nary a drop of impatience traversing within their veins if they manage to maintain a smile and go about mopping their floor singing 'Oh what a beautiful morning...' However, in my opinion, there's no such thing about 'supermom' being able to save the day. In actual fact, whoever coined that term 'supermom' probably didn't think it through enough. Something has got to give. As capable as one can be, one cannot cover all bases perfectly. Mothers can do incredible feats and juggle enormous responsibilities but we're still human.

 I whine, I complain, I rant and rave. Then I'm gentle, understanding and forgiving. I'm Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde at times or maybe, always.  Aha! Maybe that's why I feel drained! Oops, this self-analysing is a strange thing to be doing here. I wonder if other overworked mothers behave strangely like me.

Beneath or beyond all these, I have drawn strength in the mire of lethargy from spiritual reflection, prayer and inspirational songs.It is that Special Spirit within me that guides me back to the straight path. It is the notion that all things will fall into place regardless of how much or how little I possess, how much or how little I have achieved. I strive to view all that I possess and accomplish, tangible and intangible, as temporary. "Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand."

This brings to mind the 'kiasu' concept. Why should we want to be 'one up'? Where's our self-confidence? That's something C's disposition reminds me occasionally. She chugs along life not worried about who's better than her at school or in anything else she does, and not caught up with wanting to be better than the best. Some call it nonchalance, lacking competitive spirit, lacking desire to achieve. I think it's still too early to stick any labels on her where that's concerned, although I myself have often pasted some other labels out of frustration.

I think it's good to have, within certain limits, that Mad magazine guy's "what, me worry?" stance at times. Life is more peaceful and calm that way. It's crazy to measure everyone, especially our kids, with the same yardstick. I say po-tay-to, you say po-tah-to, so be it.

I view this lethargy or maybe, depressive vegetative state as helping me, the perfectionist, to slow down and not be in a hurry to get things done efficiently all the time, to not be so selfless but a little selfish at times, to quit worrying about cooking a healthy dinner and get lost in a different world browsing at a bookstore! That's what I did today, and left the shop almost RM200 poorer, oops......(But yet again, I veered towards selflessness, buying only one book for myself, and the other eight or more, for loved ones....)

Ramblings

It's amazing that right now, as I'm typing this, it's raining very heavily. The weather was very hot and dry before the Hari Raya/school holidays. I heard that it rained almost everyday during the school holiday week. We were away for a rather spontaneous holiday in Bangkok then. It was very hot in Bangkok and we got sunburnt one afternoon after walking around on the streets of Bangkok. C had a hat on and her long hair also protected the back of her neck but I got slightly sunburnt around the neck, while E got burnt on more areas like his arms, neck and a little on the face.  I guess my arms are 'stronger' because I drive around daily and as those who drive a lot would know, your arms get exposed to the sun a lot. And I haven't gotten used to the idea of wearing those arm 'protectors' that you see many women wear when they drive, to keep their arms fair.....

So, it's back to the grind this week and there are many things that need to be worked on, settled, looked into, considered, etc, etc -- a never-ending story.....

Updating this blog with our recent adventure in Bangkok will have to wait although I'm tempted to spend all my time writing and rambling here, instead of attending to more pressing and important matters which are boring like writing for supplementary income, paying bills, cleaning house, ironing (a huge pile is waiting!), cooking, giving Rusty a haircut and bath, and the list goes on.

Thankfully, Friday is another holiday -- our Independence Day -- so we will have a slightly longer weekend. However, C will still have her extra-curricular stuff and a classmate's birthday party to attend. In fact, this party is the first of a series of three weekend parties consecutively....Birthday parties seem such a big thing these days. Caught a glimpse of a tv programme called 'Most Outrageous Kid's Parties' while I was surfing channels recently. This seven-year-old American girl was going to have a country carnival party with 500 guests, a ferris wheel, SUV limo, and she'd make her entrance dressed like a cowgirl on a horse, according to the synopsis. A professional party planner and the works had to be engaged to make it happen. Most outrageous indeed. What are these parents thinking??

Whizzzz, Zoooom, Whooosh....

This is my third consecutive post for the day. I'm making up for lost time this month in writing in this blog. I left this blog 'silent' for three weeks, something I seldom do. I usually post one per week. It's just that time seems to go 'whiz, zoom and whoosh' and before I realise it, it's been quite a few weeks.

The daily routine of juggling all the stuff a housewife, homemaker, stay-at-home-mom, or whatever you wish to call those people who work-so-hard-do-all-sorts-of-things-don't-get-paid-for-anything is responsible for, just takes up so much time. And by 'all the stuff', I mean stuff like grocery shopping, laundry, ironing, chauffering, cooking, washing, cleaning, tidying, dog grooming and feeding, plant watering and trimming, nagging, prodding, bill paying, errand running, problem solving, household fittings and appliance care and management, homework and music practice supervision, and goodness knows what else! In between all these, this housewife takes breaks by reading online news and blogs, venting her woes on Facebook, writing her fortnightly column, watching a bit of TV or YouTube at times, griping, venting and sometimes wondering what life would be like if she were married to a billionaire and could spend all her days going to spas, checking out new restaurants and travelling around the world seeking out new adventures! Yes, all that juggling just makes one dizzy enough at times to just wish for what appears to be greener pastures.

In the past week, I've done all of the above, and most weeks, I do all of the above too. On top of the usual plant watering and trimming, I literally pushed down one small tree with my bare hands (felt like the female version of Samson!) and reduced it to pieces to fit into a garbage bag, covered myself with dog fur by giving Rusty a full groom, played veterinarian with a little skin problem, played dentist by extracting a loose tooth of C's using my thumb, forefinger and a piece of gauze for grip, reported to the school about a driver who's constantly been flouting the school traffic rules, battled a reluctant Year 4 student during mid-term exams, did some grammar-checking and proofreading work for two business reports, renewed my driver's licence, took the car to a tyre shop to get a screw and a nail out of one tyre, and just this evening, got frustrated with my cranky oven while the chicken was roasting inside, as well as harping about the evils of the television and grumbling at two people in particular who worship it.

Okay, that's all the whiz, zoom and whoosh for the week. I'm going to call it a night now as a new whiz-zoom-whoosh week begins tomorrow. I will be without my car for the larger part of the day. On Saturday, it went into the 'hospital' to replace the front suspension and all related parts and couldn't get done within the day. This coming week will precede the next two weeks of mid-term school holidays. This coming Friday, the last day of school, C's school will be celebrating Teacher's Day which is originally on May 16th. What small tokens of appreciation should we give her teachers? Maybe C and I could bake some cupcakes for them....if only I could twitch my nose or snap my fingers and voila, they're done!

Oh...and this coming Saturday, I have a nephew's birthday lunch and an alumni dinner to attend and help out at. I'm tired just thinking about the coming week.

Admiring nature like the flowers in my garden can be therapeutic sometimes.

Blogging in an apartment vs. blogging in a house

For days, I've been telling myself it's time again to update this blog but other things keep getting in the way. I remember when I started this blog in 2007, C was still in kindergarten. .

Back then, the eagerness to blog was stronger and I could write up to three posts a day on various subjects. I seemed to have more time to blog then. We lived in a small apartment, so everything was within a few footsteps' reach. Now we live in a three-storey house and everything requires more footsteps, and steps on the staircase! The apartment had less floor area to clean. The house has double the floor area.

In the apartment, I didn't have to spend time hanging out the laundry as there was hardly any space to do so. I just dumped everything into the dryer and didn't have to worry when it rained. Now, I spend time hanging out the laundry, watching the sky in case it threatens to rain, moving the clothes in when I go out, and taking down the laundry once they are dry.

In the apartment we couldn't have pets. Now, we have a dog. I spend time feeding and combing his fur, washing the porch where he pees on my car tyres and flower pots (that 'boy' just can't resist anything that's upright! and training him requires more time and patience!). Every few months I spend up to two hours trimming his fur. Luckily, I don't have to walk him as E does that at night, unless E is not at home. Once a week, either E or I will have to give him a bath.

In the apartment, we didn't have plants. Now, we have a small grass patch with plants that need watering, fertilising, trimming and weeding.

Although C's hours at kindy were shorter compared to now in primary school, she took naps in the afternoons at times and didn't have homework. Now, although school hours are longer and I have more time alone in the mornings, the mornings are filled with relatively more chores around the house (as stated above) and C does not take naps in the afternoons. Instead, she has homework that I supervise while preparing dinner, and music lessons that I need to chauffeur her to and from.

In the early days of this blog, most of my writing 'work' was for fun, exploration and the blog. Now, my writing is more for some pocket money so this blog (and the others) take a backseat. That's why instead of three posts a day, I'd be lucky if I can write three posts a month.

When your living conditions and environment changes, it certainly affects many aspects of your life, blogging included!

March-ing on

Every year, the month of March holds a certain significance for me in my motherhood journey. It was in March 2005 that I made a snap decision to leave my career and relatively good salary to stay at home to look after C and tend to household matters. It was because depending on others for childcare was problematic and it drove me to decide that I should just do it myself. It's been exactly seven years since.

The journey has not been the easiest, neither the most enjoyable.That's an honest admission. I'm one who likes to be active, being outdoors, trying out new stuff or experiences every chance I get. I like going out, meeting people, trying new food, travelling to places I've never been to before. Till today, I struggle with stifling my wanderlust. An aching longing wells up when I watch travel shows, hear or read about other people's wonderful holidays. Also till today, we struggle with managing the change of lifestyle, from a two-salary to a one-salary household, having to always remind ourselves that we can no longer afford 'wants', but only 'needs'. Despite that, it's been rewarding as I look back the past seven years, considering the opportunities of  'being there' watching C grow from a cute toddler to a I-know-what-I-want, strong-willed pre-teen. 'Conscious' parenting is what I try to practise, and it's been a trial-and-error journey filled with ups and downs.

The past year, my seventh, has been the most challenging. If the 'seven year itch' is true for marriages, I'd term my seventh year at home as 'itchy'. I've been restless, lacking drive or purpose, depressed, always thinking of leaving reality for a blissful holiday somewhere exotic...and probably never return! I kept (and still am now sometimes) wanting to 'get busy', but had to remind myself of reality's limitations. It was in this seventh year that I also took a one-year break from writing for pocket money.  Before this, I had spent three years writing a fortnightly column in a local daily.

Over the years, I've experimented with various ways within my capability (skills, time, interest) to find ways to earn some money while at home. I tried blogging, writing and writing-related work, and even direct selling. I found out the latter is just not for me. Trying to convince people that they should buy something, because they need it and because it's good, is just not me. And I didn't like living with grudges when friends who did not understand the business talked behind my back or threw insults, intentionally or otherwise. As for blogging, I've never ventured into seriously monetizing any of my blogs and have earned only some bits from some marketing communications type of blogging. I still view blogging as something that I want to have fun with, or something for journaling purposes like this blog.

Call me idealistic, unrealistic or whatever, but I think although money is important, I won't die if I have less of it (but that doesn't mean I won't complain, hehe!). We'll just have to do with what we have, and walk in faith day by day. It's my way of trying to stay sane because parenting is already a full-time job.

I've had, and still am having, people (who don't read my blog) hint, tell me directly or even suggest various employment possibilities that I should consider. They mean well of course, but I guess they fail to remember that their opinion and what they see is from using the spectacles tailor-made only for their eyes, and they don't know me as well as I know myself :)

At the start of my eighth year as a stay-home mum this March, I'm about to embark on a new fortnightly column, in addition to the occasional writing/proofreading/editing assignments I get. I don't actively seek out jobs for fear of biting off more than I can chew. Life is simply too short to be working too hard. We all need to march to our own drumbeat and be thankful for what we have.

What shall I be writing about here next March 2013?

Round and round

Days and weeks whiz by so quickly I sometimes forget the day or date. Some days I'm behind, some days I'm ahead. Yesterday was Tuesday but I kept thinking it's Wednesday! Staying at home to take care of the home, family, pets (in our case our dog and some 'working' fish that we need to prevent mosquito larvae), plants, and be Jill of all trades sometimes makes your brain go round and round like one of those rides in a carnival, and you feel dizzy after you get off!

I can only imagine how much dizzier some mothers get when they have many children (I have an ex-classmate who has been blessed with seven kids). Juggling their needs and different school and extra-curricular activities amidst the cooking, cleaning, tidying etc requires very good management and organisational skills. And especially if you don't have a maid to assist you. And even when you have a maid or maids, you still need those special skills to manage her/them.  I remember reading a comment somewhere that stay-at-home moms should be paid good salaries equivalent or even more than CEOs of large corporations. However, I doubt that'll ever happen and most of us housewives resign and console ourselves that a properly-kept home, happy and healthy kids are rewards that you can't put a dollar sign to.

Time passes at a constant rate since the very first day man decided to quantify the period between sunrise and sunset. But we always feel that time passes too 'slowly' when we are idle, and too 'fast' when we are busy. I tend to feel the latter. When I look back from Day One when C was born, I wonder how she is now nine going on 10! They grow so fast and it feels like we are growing old faster! And next month will be seven years for me at home. Every day, month, year is like a merry-go-round, rollercoaster and teeter-totter or see-saw combined. What a ride, and how not to get dizzy? Everyday, it's rush here and there, rush to do this and that. We forget to stop and smell the roses. So I'm trying to smell some roses every now and then.

I don't have roses in my garden but I have lilies that bloom every now and then. They smell nice too :-) And yes, I do know the phrase 'stop and smell the roses' goes beyond its literal meaning ;-)