About grandma

We bade farewell to my grandma yesterday. The funeral proceedings went smoothly at her home before her cremation at the Melaka Memorial Park. After it was all over, we had lunch at a nearby restaurant.

It was a gray rainy morning as we left Kuala Lumpur for the drive down to Melaka. We spotted a rainbow along the way as the drizzle turned into a heavy downpour halfway through the journey. Eugene had driven his 'bella' (his Italian second wife)at a speed which I was only aware of upon arrival much earlier than expected (get the picture?). The day was cool and slightly overcast. I guess Por Por (grandma) had made a pact with God to spare us from the heat. Caitlin was generally well-behaved and manageable. I'm glad she was prepared mentally for it. She only asked one question to re-confirm her death after seeing her lying in the casket and placing the note she had written earlier inside it.

True to what I'd read earlier about experts saying that kids her age view death as something temporary or reversible, while in the washroom she asked if Por Tai (great grandma) had died forever. So I repeated what I had told her the day before based on the answers recommended by the experts in the article.

I have yet to start really missing my grandma. In my younger days, Por Por was a motherly figure who was soft-spoken, gentle and a great cook. I don't recall any time when she had raised her voice or complained. She was born in Mauritius 90 years ago and I guess, as a young lady, she came to this country, married my late grandpa and had nine children altogether.

During my school days, Sunday lunch was a family gathering at her home. She single-handedly cooked many great dishes for her children and their families. I had mentioned at lunch yesterday about this and one cousin chipped in with his memory of her tasty red rice wine chicken and stuffed calamari which I also remember and enjoyed. My mum remembers that Por Por not only served us lunch but also made extras for all of us to take away. There was always plenty of good and delicious food on the table, double servings of each, every Sunday. There were times when she also handmade fish paste for the traditional Hakka yong tau foo and fermented her own Chinese rice wine for cooking.

When I started school, I lived with my paternal grandparents as my dad had a career which required him to move from one place to another every few years. This was unsettling for our education so my parents decided that we remain in our hometown and live with my grandparents. When I was 10 years old, my paternal grandma had to re-locate temporarily for a year to Singapore. I then lived with Por Por and an aunt that school year. Looking back, the disruption to my routine which encompassed mainly my school and piano lessons was hardly felt. I can only conclude that Por Por and my aunt did a great job in taking care of me for me to not have experienced any discomfort or inconvenience.

I also remember one afternoon when Por Por accompanied me for my piano lesson. There was some confusion as to where the lesson was to be held. It was usually at my home i.e paternal grandparents' home, so we went there first. But my teacher was late and we thought that maybe we were wrong and had to go to her home, which was about half a kilometre away. Those were the days when a mobile phone never existed so we decided to walk there and find out. While walking, my teacher who was finally on her way to my place spotted us, picked us up and drove us back to my place. I still remember my teacher 'scolding' me for making my grandma walk. But hey teacher, I was only 10 then and you were late....

Those were some things I remember clearly. After I went to university and started life in Kuala Lumpur, visiting grandma became less frequent. From weekly Sunday lunches those days, it dwindled to only the annual Chinese New Year, her birthday, important family gatherings and short visits when I happened to make trips back to my hometown. At each meeting, she would take my hand and kiss it when I greeted her. She would ask how the others (Eugene, my brothers) were doing if they were not present with me then. She always found ways to return the equivalent value of any gift we gave her, be it in cash (angpows or Chinese red packets) or kind.

In the past few years, as she grew older, she became naturally 'slower' in movement and activity. While she was not as talkative as before, it was clear that she was still attentive and found pleasure in trying to 'connect' with her great grandchildren like Caitlin.

At her auspicious 88th birthday dinner almost two years ago, I felt proud that Por Por could live to such an old age. I had expected her to leave us through natural causes at least a number of years later. I guess God decided otherwise and that it was time for her to re-unite with grandpa and an aunt (a daughter of hers who passed away about 25 years ago).

Looking on the bright side, although she was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer, her suffering was for only three weeks, compared to the months and years other cancer patients and their families would have endured.

Por Por is now free from pain and I would like to believe, resting happily in the afterworld.

My English teacher

One of my childhood friend's mother passed away yesterday morning after living patiently with Parkinson's for the past 12-13 years. I was blessed to have known her as my English teacher in Standard 6. My friend, Ann Marie, was my classmate from Standard 2 right up to Form 5 and we became very close friends, together with a few other girls in our class. Till today, 23 years after leaving Form 5, we are all still in touch with each other.

Ann Marie's mum, Mrs Chandy, was a good English teacher. She made learning English interesting. I remember her as firm yet patient. She helped us put up a Hansel and Gretel play for our year-end concert and was one of the teachers who guided me, Ann Marie and another two girls when we participated in the inter-school choral recitation competition. She was also very kind and always gave me and a few other girls (Siew Lin and Elaine) a lift to school together with Ann Marie when we had extra-curricular activities. I also got a ride from her for piano lessons when Ann Marie and I shared the same teacher when we were in secondary school.

After Form 5, Ann Marie's family moved to their hometown in Klang. We still kept in touch and wrote to each other. Mrs Chandy continued teaching. Over the years after she was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease (PD), Mrs Chandy continued resolutely to live life as normally as she could. Even as PD 'progressed', she travelled overseas for holidays, wrote an autobiography, and visited me at my new apartment nine years ago with Ann Marie and her two kids. She even attended my wedding and visited me when Caitlin was born.

In the recent years, her mobility became limited and a few friends and I would visit her occasionally. I visited her and Ann Marie a bit more often in the past few months when her condition deteriorated. Although she could not move or talk, I could tell she still had that kind and motherly nature in her, especially when she responded to Caitlin asking her how she was.

Today, Mrs Chandy will be on her final journey home to be with the Lord. May God welcome her into His arms and reward her for her patience and perseverance with PD, and for being the wonderful person and teacher she was here on Earth. I'm sure many of us who were privileged to have known her have been touched by her one way or another.