Featured in CNN Heroes

Hmmm...

Oh wow, how time flies....again. Didn't realise it's been two weeks since my last post here. Yesterday was the last day of Chinese New Year, the 15th day of the first month of the lunar year, Chap Goh Mei. The moon was really round and full last night. Too bad I didn't get a chance to take a picture of the moon. And I'm past the stage where young girls go out at night to the lake, sea, river to throw mandarin oranges wishing for Mr Right! But in fact, I never ever did that before in my life.

Instead, I took Rusty out for his evening walk a.k.a poop time. Usually E does it every night after putting C to bed but last night, Rusty couldn't wait. He must have eaten too much yesterday because I spoiled him -- fed him some CNY junk food while I was snacking on some in the afternoon (he was so happy he got some!), and then gave him some rice with bones from the previous night's 'bak kut teh' dinner mixed with his doggy biscuits. Lucky for him that I broke the no-human-food rule yesterday. Some kids in the neighbourhood were playing with fireworks and later some firecrackers went off somewhere. That made him uncomfortable and unsure of where the usual 'safe' spots were to do his job! Ha ha! Anyway he managed to at a few spots and happily trotted to the safety of home.

This week has been yet another one filled with daily chores, errands etc. Sigh, it never ends, does it? I still haven't gotten used to the routine of having to wake up at 5.30am to prepare C's school lunch even though it's now February. Waking up extra half an hour earlier screws up my circadian rhythm. Yesterday, I decided to wake at the usual time of 6.00am, got their breakfast done and after they left, got down to writing a piece for my fortnightly column. Then I had no choice but to cook lunch, pack it and deliver it to school for C. I packed my portion too as I too had to eat. Decided to lunch with her in her school canteen as there was no point for me travelling back and forth since I had to take her home when school dismissed. So after her lunch break ended at 1.00pm, I hung around in school and chatted with a few other parents until dismissal at 2.35pm. Felt like time was wasted for the sake of saving petrol cost and not increasing the carbon footprint but I guess it made better sense to wait out the 1.5 hours.

She's going back to eating the school-prepared lunch next term. This term is the first time she's bringing lunch from home. She had complained of being bored with the food at school after two years so I relented this time just to try out the arrangement. I feel now that it's not too practical having to prepare some of the food the night before so that I can cook it quickly the next morning plus having to wake up earlier. She's not a sandwich person and I also don't see the benefit of eating sandwiches for lunch everyday, five days a week. And she eats less (due to the limited time for lunch break) if it's sandwiches because she somehow eats slower when it's bread compared to noodles or rice. So her lunch menu has to be varied with rice, noodles, pasta or some mashed potato-topped pie and sometimes a sandwich.

I'm glad it's Friday. C is glad too. Recently, she's quite into this cartoon on TV called Metal Fight Beyblade. And it's on Saturdays and Sundays that she gets to watch it. Every morning this week, she has been counting down to the weekend and this morning, she went 'Yay, tomorrow I can watch Metal Fight Beyblade! What are our plans for the weekend?" Last week, she said she was planning to wake up early to catch the cartoon and she really did. Although the programme was airing at 9.30am she was already up and about at 6.30am while E and I were still in dreamland. On weekdays, we have difficulty waking her at 6.00am to get ready for school but on weekends she can get up on her own! Just goes to show children (and adults) are alike. We're motivated by what we're interested in.

This calls to mind my own level of motivation. I need a boost. But what I'm interested in is relaxing, travelling for holidays and satiating the foodie in me. How that's possible beats me with all that I have on my stay-at-home-mum plate that's filled with lots of duties and responsibilities and very little time and money! Oh well, is the cup half full or half empty?

Gong Xi Fa Cai, Happy New Year of the Rabbit

Today is the eve of the Chinese New Year of the Rabbit. Being the last-minute type, we finally washed our cars (E) and gave Rusty a good haircut and bath (me) this morning! Apart from that we didn't do any spring cleaning and parts of the house are cluttered as usual. But, we did put up some Chinese New Year decor although not as elaborate as Christmas. That's because we didn't have very many existing decor items in the first place and I didn't get around to buying new ones! I certainly am not living up to the standards and example my elders, especially my grandparents, set those days when they were around...guilty, guilty....

Our house got a good wash (yes, with buckets and hoses) inside and outside from ceiling to floor those days, everything wiped and dusted and washed. Cushion covers, curtains changed, iron grilles and gates painted at least if not the entire house, exterior and/or interior. Home-made decor of various kinds were cut and made using CNY greeting cards, angpow packets, red paper, cookies and other goodies made or bought and exchanged between relatives, friends and neighbours.  And a big cooking session would start early in the day with all the womenfolk congregating in the kitchen, preparing for the nights reunion dinner. My paternal side of the family was rather large. My grandpa had three wives, which was not uncommon those days, and since he lived with us, everyone would come to our house for the reunion dinner.

These days, families are smaller. Both E and I come from five-member families. His parents and mine similarly have two sons and one daughter. So tonight, we'll be heading to his parents' home to have the traditional reunion dinner with his parents and younger brother's family. Meanwhile, my parents will be having their reunion dinner with my younger brother's family only as my older brother and his family live abroad.

There's a few other differences between CNY then and now but I'll save that for another post maybe. Meanwhile, ACE wish family and friends a happy, hoppity Year of the Rabbit. May good health, wealth and happiness be yours throughout  this year. Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Burnt out but blessed enough

As at last Tuesday, I have written 70 (or maybe a few more than that) parenting-related articles for a local daily on a fortnightly basis. I will be completing three years with this column come mid-2011. It's been getting harder in the past year to stockpile articles and I'm down to churning out one, or at the most two, every two weeks, just enough to keep up with the deadline.

I know there are still so many parenting-related topics I can write about but somehow the motivation seems to be missing. The ideas are not as forthcoming as before, and if they do come, the dopamine-inducing part of my brain seems to have fallen asleep. I'm sure I'm burnt out, I lack inspiration and I have this tendency of being easily bored with routine. 

Juggling a myriad of responsibilities as a SAHM/WAHM is not as fun as it used to be. While I cannot quit being a SAHM till kingdom come (well, I'm exaggerating here for effect!), I would like to take a break from writing a piece every two weeks. I don't mind the other adhoc writing or publishing-related jobs but having to stick and commit to a fortnightly one is becoming quite a drag. If only it can be as easy as having to brush your teeth everyday.

But what's holding me back from taking this break is the regular monthly cheque I get at the end of the month. The amount is nothing to shout about but it still counts for something. It could pay for our trip to Hong Kong last year. It could help subsidise our monthly grocery bill. It's a pathetic sum in fact, compared to what I used to get as a FTWM (fulltime working mom), but of course, that's comparing an apple with an orange. But simply for comparison's sake in terms of monetary rewards, it amounts in one year, to what I used to get in one month or less....

So what should I do with this dilemma? I'm afraid that if I take a break, I might never want to return (if they still want me that is), and not having something regular to keep me 'grounded' is also something not very good. Can I find a different activity that does not cost me any more time than I can ill afford, something that pays (even if not much), and something that can activate my dopamines and give me a thrilling rollercoaster ride?

Is this just a passing phase, mid-life crisis, prolonged boredom, or worse depression? I sure sound rather manic with all this griping and self-analysis. I wish my responsibilities cover only cooking, chauffering (I can live with this I guess) and childminding (no choice for this one), unless I can afford a housekeeper, cook, private tutor/governess and driver. I dislike cleaning, tidying, laundry and ironing. And as much as I love my dog and garden, I sometimes wish someone else could feed, bathe, groom the furry boy and water, pluck and trim the plants and weeds etc. Then I'd have time to exercise more, get facials, massages, watch movies, take up a hobby! Oh, but all those require a fair bit of dollars which a SAHM like me does not have.

Nevertheless, I should count my blessings that I have enough food to eat, a roof over my head, an old car to drive, caring family members and a loving but strong-willed kid to hug (and nag at!) and I believe, a God who knows what's good for me.

And now, I must gather some bits of grey matter, spice them up with dopamine and start writing a piece for that parenting column!

My old faithful

Like humans, objects also show signs of ageing. My 33-year-old piano, according to the piano tuner, needs to be serviced i.e. the pins holding the hammers need to be changed so that the keys will strike very evenly and produce a more crisp tone.

I guess 30 odd years can be considered 'middle age' for a piano. This old piano has served me faithfully for 33 years. And now C is playing it. I still play it but not as often as I used to (which was at least one hour daily) during my schooldays decades ago. My dad bought it brand new back in 1979 as a reward for me for doing well in my Std 5 school exam (now the exam is called UPSR and held in Std 6).

I started learning to play the piano in 1976 with an old second hand piano. It was a good piano and probably as old as my current one now. It had very hard and strong, solid wood. We sold it some years after we got the brand new one.

The first entry in my theory manuscript book in 1976

According to the tuner, my current piano is still in tip top condition save for ageing and the need for servicing. He said a piano should be serviced every 10 years or so. This tuner started in the mid 1970s at the age of 19 and he recalls my piano model well. He even knows how much it cost back then and says that it is now rare and hard to find a used one of this model in the market.

He says pianos these days cost more than their real value. The cheapest model of one popular Japanese brand already costs RM10,000 now and the body is made from MDF board and not solid wood! I'm shocked. It goes to show how commercialised the world has become and people don't make things like they used to -- for the passion, love of it and with integrity.

This revelation makes me treasure my old faithful more. I remember those wonderful carefree days of my youth back in my hometown, tinkling on those ivory keys with joy, and frustration too.

Joy was when I played leisure pieces of pop songs and hits of those days, singing at the top of my voice, sometimes with one or two good friends - Christian songs, Abba, Carpenters, everyone we liked. Even when I didn't have the score, just the chords would do and I'd figure out the accompaniment and notes on my own.

Frustration (and boredom) was when I had to practise countless times over and over again my classical exam pieces, scales and arpeggios, especially when they got challenging in Grade 8, memorising music history notes, practising theoretical composition and harmony for theory exams.

I look back at those days with my piano with fondness and nostalgia. I wonder if they can be re-lived now that I'm a stay-home mum who runs around like a headless chicken!

I've wondered once in a while how different life would have been if I had pursued music as a vocation. Those days, if you're good and want to pursue music, it would mean you ending up as a piano teacher, especially if you didn't have the oportunity to explore the big wide world of possibilities with music overseas. I didn't want to end up as a piano teacher so I went to university.

Now I'm somewhat a piano teacher. I have to guide/teach C, although she is taking a formal music/piano course. Come March, it would be a four-year journey as a piano guide. I've learnt some new things myself over the four years sitting in with her at her weekly lessons, things which the syllabus I learnt decades ago did not emphasise.

After her exams in March, we're leaning towards learning piano for leisure for the meantime, until such time when she is more able to decide if she wants to pursue it more seriously. Even then I'm not sure if taking exams is the way to go. Exams will earn you certificates of achievement and aid you with credits for college admission but then again it's not the be all and end all. There are many roads to higher education or success in life.

I'm not sure if we'll get her a private tutor but I'm prepared to teach her myself after March, before we decide on next steps. I think I might be crazy for wanting to do that. Teacher-student compatibility is very important IMHO and I think the Anna-Caitlin combi is far from compatible. I foresee more shouting matches, LOL! Many people say it's hardest to teach your own child but I'm encouraged by the fact that many have succeeded with more challenging tasks like homeschooling their kids entirely.

One day at a time is my mantra. Don't even ask me what's for breakfast tomorrow.