Tuition - to send or not?

Being a parent with school-going children seems tougher these days. I'm referring to this never-ending dilemma of whether to send your child for tuition or not. Is it only me who faces this dilemma?

It sure looks like many parents out there don't give a second thought to tuition for their children, like it's a norm and you're strange if you don't. They say their children, some even as young as pre-school age, are sent for tuition to help them improve, develop, learn more, interact...

For some working parents, tuition or homework guidance centres are their 'saviours' that not only care for their children after school but also help them with their studies since parents are at work and return too late to help their kids themselves. I understand that not all families have the luxury of having grandparents or one parent or a trusted caregiver or househelp at home to care for the kids after they return from school. Something is not quite right somewhere then in the overall system, the education system, the workforce system, our lifestyle, work-life balance system, that leaves parents no choice but to send their kids to such places.

Imagine the kids waking up at 6.00am (some even earlier) to start school at 7.30am or so and after a long day at school, they get dropped off by a transporter at their daycare/tuition/homework guidance centre, have lunch and start on their homework and revision and only get picked up by their parents and reach home around 7.00pm. Some are even still wearing their school uniform until then.

I read this piece written by a teacher and she has taken the words out of my mouth pertaining to this issue.

"Tuition seems to be a major concern for parents these days. If school teachers offer tuition classes, you can bet that the students will be scrambling to fill up the classes, especially if he or she is known to be a great teacher. Someone who is a ‘Guru Cemerlang’ (Excellent Teacher) or has been teaching for a long time usually can, and will charge more. Their classes would be much sought after and if the students produce great results, which in Malaysian context means a long string of As, then you can bet your top Ringgit that more students will register for the next school term."

She had previously given tuition but as she is now teaching in the afternoon session, she has stopped. Yet, she still gets requests from some parents, and says:

"But since tuition to parents is like water to the thirsty, they usually will keep asking, hoping I would change my mind and maybe reconsider. They want it, they yearn for it, and they will try their best to have me agree to give their child tuition. Some even want me to give tuition to their Year 1 child, which I said no to, because I think a seven old year should be allowed to play and just be a kid and should not be made to work hard.

Of course, parents always want the best for their child, and since they have more resources now, they would pay top dollar to give their child the best. Even if it means paying RM200 per month just for six hours of one-to-one English (like one of my neighbours do), they would do it. And mind you, that is just for one subject. Factoring in all the four subjects they have to sit for in the UPSR exam, imagine how much parents actually pay for their child’s monthly tuition fees alone.

There is another side to the argument: that too much tuition is not good for the child because they work from morning to night and barely have time to rest and play like children should. It also means that maybe they thought my teaching might be so bad that these kids would need extra help with their English!

To some extent, I agree that rather than being at home doing nothing, they could go for extra classes, so they would be doing something worthwhile with their time. But maybe, perhaps, we should allow our children a moment to just rest, to take in the day as it comes, so they could relax and focus on being still for a little while?"

During my schoolgoing days, tuition was only for those who were really weak in their studies. Now, tuition is not only for the weak students. Some have the idea that the smart ones should go for tuition so that they can be smarter. Those days, after returning from school and doing the necessary homework by myself, I'd be doing other stuff, like playing the piano, singing, meeting up with friends, chatting over the phone, playing outside or cycling, just like what the writer says:

"I remember my childhood as being rather carefree. I was allowed space to run around, ride with my bike and play with my friends in the evenings, and still had time to do my homework. Kids these days seem to not like physical activities so much. They would rather do something sitting down which to me seems unnatural. Kids are supposed to love running around and they should not hate sports and physical activities. It is just mind-baffling to me."

What happened between then and now? Those days, our parents' first job was also their last, working for their employer for years. Now, everyone tries to find greener pastures every year or two years. Some even leave after two months. Those days, everyone clocks out at 5.00pm and has time to spend with the family in the evenings. Now, they just go pick up the kids from the daycare/tuition centre, have dinner and go to bed. Things and times have changed, and not necessarily for the better despite all the advancements humankind have achieved. Life has become more demanding and fast-paced, and to my mind, it is not all good. Everyone wants a piece of the pie, everyone wants to be first, everyone wants to be one-up, run faster in the rat race, kiasu, kiasi....

"One thing is for sure, things have definitely changed. A long string of As can no longer guarantee a place at the university or a scholarship. The society demands so much more from the younger generation that they now have to equip themselves with a lot of skills just to get ahead.

We want our future leaders to be excellent leaders, to have great soft skills, to be smart and eloquent and to be civic-minded enough to know what the society wants and needs, and to carry out their duties with responsibility and integrity. The society glorifies those with long string of As and so at a very young age, we prepare our kids for the work, so they will someday end up with those long string of As.

Whatever their reasons, I feel for the parents. They are the ones who have to make the choice, whether to send their children for extra classes or not. They are the ones who have to pay the tuition fees each month and make sure their child gets to their tuition classes on time.

Parents do an awful lot for their kids and I do salute them for caring and wanting their kids to have the best, to be the best and to shine in academics, but maybe we should give them some room to breathe and just be kids. After all, all work and no play make Jack a dull boy."

I agree. So, tuition - how? To send or not? Caitlin's Malay language is weak. I worry. It's sad that to do well in school here (and I'm not even dreaming of a string of A's), you must, must, must be reasonably strong in this country's language, never mind if it is not the lingua franca globally...(see what I mean about something wrong with the system?) But no, I shall not succumb to pressure, and use the fact that her Bahasa needs brushing up as an excuse to send her for tuition. I shall hold on for now.

I shall still allow her when she wishes, to plonk herself down on the sofa immediately upon returning from school and watch Ben 10, although it's something I get frustrated with. I'd rather she go take a shower and get out of her school uniform and get down to doing her homework so that she has the rest of the afternoon free to play the piano or drums or her toys. I may never stop nagging at her to stop watching after one hour. And she will still get her homework done. She will shower in the end. I have to remind myself that she is only seven after all. She is not like me when I was seven and she will never be like me. She is her own special self, warts and all, just like me, I have my warts too.

No title

Today begins the week that leads up to the much-celebrated and hyped festival among ethnic Chinese all over the world. I have yet to feel the festive mood. I've somehow been rather busy the past week, with unexpected freelance writing jobs cropping up and appointments and errands to run. I had to skip/postpone my pre-CNY shopping plans and attendance at C's school PTA AGM.

I had postponed grooming Rusty for a few weekends already and today, I couldn't bear any longer to see him so scruffy. With the long fur and heavy rain in the afternoons, he tends to get dirty and smelly rather quickly so I bit the bullet and gave him a trim and bath this morning. It took up a good two hours which included sweeping and washing the entire car porch to rid the place of all his fur. Then I had to do a quick rush job revising a piece I did over the weekend. In between, I cooked dinner and gobbled down lunch, then rushed to school to fetch C.

As in past years, the Chinese New Year has been celebrated on a simple scale with our extended families, especially since my paternal and maternal grandparents have passed on. They were the ones whose generation celebrated the CNY in a big way.

Both E's and my side of the family are small families. We both have two siblings each, unlike our parents who came from the generation where seven, eight, nine, ten or the 'teens of siblings were common. Furthermore, E's family celebrate Christmas on a bigger scale compared to CNY while my parents do not celebrate Christmas and have kept CNY to a relatively small circle of immediate family only, compared to those days when my grandparents were around. Moreover, with my older brother living overseas and me considered 'married out' already, it's only my younger brother and his small family of one child who will be around for the reunion dinner and first day of CNY.

Traditionally, married women have to return with their husbands to his family to celebrate the CNY, and only on the second day (or for some later depending on the distance they have to travel), they go home to their own parents to pay their respect.

Since I now have an oven, I had plans to make some simple cookies just for fun to get into the festive mood, but it has yet to materialise, and CNY is just a few days away....And I only managed to put up a few miserable decor items on our side entrance door. And the traditional pre-CNY spring cleaning? What spring cleaning? Since moving into this house last March, we still have boxes lying around, and even more boxes turned up when E returned from his parents home prior to Christmas with loads of his childhood stuff. His parents were re-painting the house and had asked him to clear out all the stuff he had hoarded over the years in what used to be his room. It sure looks like I won't be throwing a party or 'open house' anytime soon as our home is not a page out of Martha Stewart Living (is it still in publication?)

I had experimented on two types of cookies a few weeks ago and they turned out ok, but the recipes were rather small portions and did not produce enough to be shared with 'guinea pigs' outside of ACE. And I found making cookies such a tedious affair, having to measure out and pre-prepare certain ingredients, and shaping each cookie individually. And then they're gobbled up in one mouthful within seconds. I think cooking is more worth the effort as you can savour the dish more slowly over a sit-down meal.

This year, CNY falls on Sunday. We get two days of public holiday plus one extra since the first day falls on Sunday. C's school has declared the whole week off while I guess E will be taking the week off too (some communication is lacking somewhere as usual when we're so busy). What are we going to do for the entire week?

Of course, the eve, first and second days will be spent doing the obligatory family stuff but after that? Hmmm.....

'Housewife' ramblings :D

I had mentioned in an earlier post that come March, it wil be five years since I left my career to be a housewife (and yes, what's wrong with using "housewife"? But that's another discussion).

Thoughts of going back to work i.e. as an employee (and yucks, I wonder who invented that word!) have cropped up ever so often, especially in the past year since Caitlin is away from home at school for half a day. What do I do in the first half of a weekday besides tidying up the house and cooking and looking after Rusty and blogging and facebooking? Surely there must be stuff that I can do to keep me sane and hopefully put some coins in the cookie jar.

Well actually, all those are enough to keep me really busy for the first half of the day while the later half will be filled with chauffeur duties, childminding and homework supervision. So why should I want 'work' when I'm already working, albeit at home and without remuneration, days off, medical leave (etc etc if I go on complaining)?

For self-esteem? Nah, I'm past that. Hence, no qualms about calling myself a housewife. Somehow along the way, we've been subconsciously influenced that "housewife" comes with the image of a housecoat- and apron-wearing, curlers-in-the-hair frazzled mother with baby on the hip, dirty laundry on the floor and something burning on the stove, right? Ha ha, I'm not like that.

I wear Tshirt and shorts, no curlers in my short hair, no snot-smeared baby, or floor strewn with dirty laundry. I do have dishpan hands, a computer on the table, and floor strewn with books and other stuff the other two persons in my family hoard (big time unorganised hoarders they are, much to my frustration because I'm a neat freak).

Occasionally, I do have something burning on the stove because I get carried away on the computer! Of course, some housewives these days are more 'hip', with their stay-at-home mom lifestyle of Twittering, grocery shopping in high heels with maid carrying designer-clothed baby. Oh, and some have two maids, one to push the shopping cart and one to carry baby. Aren't they lucky? Ha ha, the grass is not always greener.


'Work' outside of the household stuff is to add variety to the routine, but then it'll become a routine too in the end if it's not the creative type. I'm not the type to do the same stuff day in, day out.

Tried my hand at a couple of things over the past few years in fact. But one that has 'stuck' is writing. And strangely, in the past month, I've got more calls than usual from people asking me if I'd be interested in 'working' for them. However, none other than writing jobs, have really gotten me interested or were really feasible (I'm not giving up my family/home responsibilities to go back to slaving 9 to 5 for a salary although I'm 24/7 minus salaray currently!).

Home and family is still priority, despite the reduced income, despite oft frustrations of a strong-willed child and the challenges of juggling housework, parenting and writing, despite many people wondering why a qualified person like me chooses to be a "housewife" instead of earning more money in a senior position I used to have. So, only if you have been there, done that, i.e. sacrifice your well-paying job for family, not rich, don't have a maid, I'd say you'd know what I'm talking about here. Am I fair by saying this? Do I care? This is, after all, my space-lah...

On a related matter, it'd however be great if I can land myself something that gives me freedom to write, express (sing?), work flexible hours, and still allow me time with family, time to do what I like, travel, spa hop, eat...and earn tons of $...Sounds like the path of a bestselling novelist or artiste? It's a dream but aah, as they say, dreams can come true.

CNY then and now

In two weeks' time, Chinese people all over the world will usher in the Chinese New Year of the Tiger. My excitement for the Chinese New Year has somewhat fizzled since I 'grew up' (is it because I now have to give instead of receive angpows? Ha ha..). Compared to my childhood days, CNY was such a big, big thing then.

The CNYs I had as a child was filled with merriment, lots of cookies and junk food at every house we visited, and those tasty fizzy drinks that came in wooden crates, bottled in glass bottles. You need to use the old-fashioned bottle opener to pry open the bottle cap which was made of metal with crimpy edges around it.

Nowadays, all these drinks come in plastic bottles and you only need to twist open the caps to pour out the drinks. The bottles if bought in bulk are now in cardboard boxes sealed in a plastic film. You can buy cartons of them from the supermarkets or hypermarkets while those days, these wooden crates of glass bottle drinks have to be ordered from your neighbourhood 'kedai runcit'. They will deliver them to you using their bicycle, or tricycle (the bike with the sidecar) or if the grocer is better off, he will own a small lorry.

One week before the big day, my grandmother will get our daily 'washer woman', a lady from the nearby kampung who comes over daily to wash our clothes and does ironing, together with some of her women relatives to come and wash (yes, literally) the whole house. Fans, lights, ceilings, interior floors all get a realy good washing (mopping the floor was not enough, it had to be splashed with buckets of water and scrubbed with a soapy brush). Cushion covers and curtains are changed. In some years, the entire house or parts of them like the exterior or window grilles or gate gets a new coat of paint.

Home-made decorations using red paper and angpow wrappers were put up. Now you seldom see people doing that. All the decor are store-bought and very elaborate with lights, sequins, tinsels, glitter. The same goes for cookies and other delights. They were all homemade back then but now, you can easily buy them from stores or enterprising people who make them for sale.

The children will get new clothes and shoes and my mother will let me wear some real (gold, mainly) jewellery. My angpow collection from all the relatives and friends who visited us and whom we visited was sizeable. Of course, back then the euphoric feeling of our increasing stash masked the fact that in order for us to have amassed that much, our parents had to also fork out similar sums to other children and unmarried people in return!

My grandfather would buy lots of fireworks for us to play with every night. They came in all sorts of shapes and sizes and it was such fun to arm ourselves with a lighted joss stick to ignite the fuse of these fireworks. These days, such fireworks are not readily available or sold openly. We probably can only get sparklers while the real noisy exploding fire crackers are reserved only for lion dance performances.

On the reunion dinner night, the entire dining table will be filled with a huge spread of CNY delicacies. And all these dishes will continue to be served for the next two days at least before they all get mixed up in a pot to become "choy keok" (a dish concocted combining all the leftovers).

Those days, families were larger. There were more people to make gatherings larger and noisier. Everyone lived nearby and those who lived further away made it a point to return to their parents' home as a mark of respect, as well as to meet siblings and relatives. Despite having met up at the family home, the younger siblings or relatives would still make it a point to visit the older ones at their individual homes. Return visits will also be paid. I remember meeting the relatives once at our home and then we went to their homes again later in the day or the following days. Unfortunately, we collected angpows only once from them!

Now, families have shrunk in size. And with 'globalisation' and overseas study opportunities, many families have members living in other countries, making it inconvenient to return home for the CNY. And if we had already met at the family home or somewhere else, it is considered enough and we don't visit them at their individual homes anymore.

Those with smaller families have smaller-scale reunion dinners. Many even eat out at restaurants to save the hassle of cooking. When I was a kid, I remember our kitchen and backyard as a bustling cooking place, with a few grandaunts, and aunts working together with my grandmother and mother, each doing their part to come up with the many dishes to be served.

While some of us may still travel back to our hometown to celebrate with our families, there are some families who take the opportunity to go on holiday during CNY. Back then, going on a holiday overseas during CNY was hardly heard of.

Indeed, times have changed. I wonder what the CNY will be like for the next generation, C's generation, when she's all grown up as an adult....

Lot 10 Hutong

After reading about the refurbished foodcourt at the lower ground level of Lot 10, we decided to give it a try last Saturday. It was said that the foodcourt boasts 'the best of the best' hawkers from all over Malaysia including Singapore, some personally invited by Francis Yeoh himself (Lot 10 is part of the YTL-owned high-end malls in Bukit Bintang).

My first impression and conclusion of the place was not as flattering as the journalist's. I was actually quite disappointed.

First, let's talk about the layout and decor. While it was a much improved version of the old foodcourt (I'm talking about 8 years back -- yes, last Saturday's visit to Lot 10 was my first after 8 long years), I did not like the new layout.

There is of course many more stalls this time and they were clustered in islands and at various corners. If there was a system (probably synonymous to the original hutongs in Beijing), I could not tell. It was like a maze. Maybe it was meant to be that way since it's a "hutong". But for the hungry person who just wants to be able to check out what's available with one sweeping glance around, this place does not offer that.

After walking around to check out the variety, trying to return to the one I had decided on took some work. There were many hidden corners for seating too. Because of the low ceiling, and many pillars (they mirrored the pillars to make them less imposing and to give the place a spacier look I guess), the entire foodcourt felt claustrophobic. Lot 10 Hutong does not have the typical open, high-ceiling foodcourt feel. Chairs and tables are of different designs unlike the typical foodcourt with uniform chairs/tables arranged in straight rows or neat clusters. I'm indifferent to that.

As for the food, there is indeed variety. I didn't notice the 'famous' stalls mentioned in the newspaper article accept for Lameeya where I happened to find seating. Not all the food was as tasty as I had expected them to be, after getting the impression that all the various stalls served great tasting fare. I spent more time walking around trying to decide on what to eat, then trying to find my way back to the stall I finally decided on, and waiting for the food to be ready than actually sitting down to enjoy the food.

I ordered some lamb chops from one western food stall and didn't really get my fill. The meat was tasteless (not well marinated) and if not for the accompanying mushroom sauce (RM13.90), I wouldn't have eaten whatever little meat there was stuck to mostly bones with overfried french fries. C and E had fish porridge (RM6 something)which was nothing to shout about. We also tried the fried oysters (RM10) -- no big deal. My sis-in-law had wan tan mee (RM8.90)- also not that mouth-watering.

As for pricing, you can tell they are much higher than the average. For the price you have to pay, I was disappointed with the quality and quantity per serving. I can't help but compare it with the foodcourt at Pavilion. I like Pavilion's much better in terms of layout, ease of navigation and more balanced price-taste-quantity ratio.

I didn't take any photos of that place or the food we had unfortunately.

As for my visit to Lot 10 mall after 8 years, I discovered that some shops remained while many other new ones have opened. Lot 10 now also boasts a hip rooftop (Forest in the City) hosting various cafes and bars, as well as the new Actors' Studio.

My ramblings about 'Chinese' education

While I am of Chinese descent, I am not 100 per cent fluent in spoken Mandarin and other than my name and a few simple words, I can't really read or write Mandarin. I am a third generation Malaysian Chinese. Both my paternal and maternal grandfathers came to this country (known as Malaya then) from mainland China, like millions of other mainland Chinese who emigrated those days, in search of greener pastures.

Is not being able to speak, read or write Mandarin well a disadvantage to me? It has not been of significant disadvantage so far for all the four decades of my life the way I see it. While knowing foreign languages is certainly an advantage in various aspects, I don't see not knowing any particular language in depth, especially one that is not required in daily use, study or work, any disadvantage either.

Colonialism played a part in my parents' and my generation's education I believe. It was perceived that an education in the English medium offered a better future with more opportunities since English is the lingua franca of the world. That was then.

In the recent years, with China moving at a rapid pace towards becoming the 'superpower of the east', some people here are saying that a Chinese medium education could give you better advantage, especially when the Malaysian national education system is fast becoming what I call 'Frankenstein', an ugly,confused monster resulting from all sorts of 'experiments' the powers that be have performed.

But is going to a Chinese-medium school the answer? Many are saying it's good, it's a must since China is "opening up". You should and must learn how to read, write and speak Mandarin. You are Chinese after all. Even the non-Chinese are sending their kids to Chinese schools. When you hear them speak Mandarin, you are put to shame. Sorry, I don't quite buy that.

Be really clear as to the real reason why you have sent, are sending, or plan to send your children to a Chinese-medium school. What do you want to see your child benefiting from by sending them there? Is it just because everyone says Chinese-medium school is the way to go, government schools are cr*p, you have no other choice because you can't afford private/international school? Is it because people are saying China is "opening up" and therefore it's "good" to know Mandarin? Unless you're dead set that you and your children are going back to live in China (if you're Chinese), work in China, and die in China, then I would say yes, you must know Mandarin, do or die.

People are always saying "People are saying...". Who are these people? Reseachers, scientist, education experts, fortune tellers? Everyone has an opinion, everyone gets drawn into the majority's consensus opinion. If you don't know how or what to think and have no opinion of your own, you tend to listen to these "people".

Why not learn German or Dutch instead since some countries with these languages are already very advanced countries and offer a high-standard education and better quality of life? And education in some countries using those langauges I believe is free. They're definitely way above China that's fraught with its corruption, rampant abuse in various aspects (remember the tainted milk case? and other dangerous products? pollution?) Why not?

What kind of education do we want to give our children? What is our definition of 'education'? What kind or style of education/learning is best for our children? How well do we know each and every child of ours to best develop their potential? If one child is in a Chinese-medium school and is flourishing there, does it mean another child should go to the same Chinese school too? And it's not only about Chinese schools, but even other types of schooling systems, be it private or international schools, government schools, boarding school, homeschooling, extra curricular activities or enrichment activities.....Does one size fit all our kids? We tend to think "if they can do it, why can't we?" Again, who are "they" that you must follow and why? Why think that way at the expense of our children's potential and wellbeing?

We are supposed to be the ones who know our children best and would want to provide a learning environment that best suits that child in relation to his/her inclinations and aptitude, and in relation to the family as a whole. In my humble opinion, Chinese-medium school is not the way to go for everyone, Chinese or not. It could work out really wonderfully for some Chinese, and non-Chinese people -- I am sincerely happy for them. But it may not be the way to go for other Chinese, and non-Chinese people. Those who are not sure might try, and even succeed - congrats. But if it doesn't work out for the child and family, and you choose to tread a different path, do not think you have failed or chickened out. You only fail when you stop trying, and in this case trying to do the best for your child. You have not chickened out, instead you have the courage to be the captain of your own ship. While we could be sailing on the same stormy ocean, we each have different ships of different shapes, sizes and strengths to weather the storm.

What Wiki says...

...about indigo children. Here are some excerpts:

Indigo children is a New Age concept developed by Nancy Ann Tappe describing children who are alleged to possess special traits or abilities.

Ummm, I'm not into New Age stuff.

Beliefs about indigo children range from their being the next stage in human evolution, possessing paranormal abilities such as telepathy, and lacking communication skills to the belief that they are simply more empathetic and creative than their non-indigo peers. There are no scientific studies that give credibility to the existence or traits of indigo children. Many children labeled "indigo" are put on pharmaceutical medicine .

Umm, I don't think C has paranormal abilities. Neither does she need pharmaceutical meds.

Skeptics suggest that the indigo phenomenon is due to parents preferring to believe their children are special, rather than having a medical diagnosis which implies damage or imperfection. Also criticized are the traits used to describe children, which have been compared to the Forer effect - so vague as to be able to apply to anyone.

Possible?

According to research psychologist Russell Barkley, the New Age movement has yet to produce empirical evidence of the existence of indigo children and the 17 traits most commonly attributed to them were akin to the Forer effect; so vague they could describe nearly anyone. There is also concern that labeling a disruptive child an "indigo" may delay proper diagnosis and treatment that may help the child.[2][5] Others have stated that many of the traits of indigo children could be more prosaically interpreted as simple arrogance and selfish individualism, which parents with certain New Age beliefs see as being something that they are not.

This is not the only link I checked out. When I typed "indigo children" into Google, it produced over one million results. I checked out the top few. So far, I've found nothing highly convincing.

Indigo children

We (more so I since I'm the one who spends more time with C) have been having difficulty getting C to listen and do all the stuff she is supposed to, when she is supposed to. Most times, she's strongheaded and has a mind of her own, ignoring our requests and orders, does whatever she pleases according to her whims and fancies. That's how her homework and music practice turns out to be last-minute efforts, or how we are sometimes out the door later than desired for an appointment or outing.

Even the routine, simple stuff like getting ready for bed can turn into tug-of-wars, making life very tiring and frustrating sometimes. I question myself at times, if we had been too lenient with her and giving in to her too much when she was younger, in the name of instilling independence of thought, the ability to question, make choices and decisions. Only children tend to get labeled as 'spoilt' and from the beginning, we have been conscious in not allowing ourselves to 'spoil' her.

We have to remind her to get ready and stop what whe's doing to the point of nagging, scolding and threatening at times. When she sits down to do some homework or for a meal, she tends to get distracted easily, think and talk about other things, walk away to do something else i.e. cannot focus. However, that does not happen when she's at school, where she is attentive, participative and compliant.

I sometimes wonder if she has ADD (attention deficit disorder). Other times, we tell ourselves she's only a playful, strongheaded typical seven-year-old. Despite the inability to focus or lack of self-discipline, she still manages to do reasonably well in school and other activities. While we have idealistic dreams (don't all parents have that?) of her ace-ing every subject in school and coming out tops in everything she dabbles in, we are realistic that we can only provide her with opportunities to learn and develop and the rest depends on her 'in-built' character, personality, aptitude, talent and desire to excel.

A few years back, I had come across articles which described certain children as indigo children. I had 'filed' it at the back of my mind. Today, while surfing through a child learning-teaching site, it directed me to another article about 'new' or indigo children.

Based on the article, C does fit 95% of the characteristics of such children. Every word I read in there seemed to jump out at me. I could identify with and relate to the situations described. According to this article, knowing that your child is an indigo child will help you finetune your parenting style to work around situations and bring out the best in the child (and you, I guess!).

I shall try to find out more about this subject and see if I can accept their theories, research findings if any, and if the info can be applied to our situation.

Friends come, friends go, friends remain

Come March, it will be five years since I left a full-time career in the corporate world after 14 years in the rat race. Again, as I seem to be saying rather often these days, time flies.

The circle of people you connect with change when you move from one phase of life to another. In my student days, my good friends were my class or coursemates and friends with common interests. When I was working, I spent lots of time with colleagues and a handful of childhood and close friends from university days. Some business contacts also became personal contacts.

As I moved on, and grew older (can't escape using that word unfortunately), got married and started a family, the people I connected with also changed. My single friends were preoccupied chasing their careers and busy with their single lives while a large chunk of my time was spent juggling career and family needs, connecting mainly with friends who are parents with young kids, comparing notes and sharing parenting complaints, stories, and ideas.

Now, after almost five years as a stay-home mother, again, the friendship circle has evolved. It now includes parents of school and extra-curricular classmates, and other interest groups mainly.

When I used to have only one or two strong cliques of friends during my student days, I find that now, my friends are more diverse, separated into different categories - old childhood friends, ex-colleagues, family friends and parents of C's friends. Some from the past remain, some have become distant, some have grown closer, some don't seem to be interested in maintaining the friendship. Priorities change, focus and interests change. Hence your circle of friends will change I guess. Does that mean I ignore and forget those who are not within my current priorities or interests? No.

Thanks to technology and all the available networking sites through the Internet, finding lost friends, reconnecting and keeping in touch with everyone is much easier now.

Take nothing and no one for granted

Be thankful for your lot, love and respect all God's creation

AY is a single lady in her forties. She has been working as a masseuse for the past 13 years. She is good at what she does. She seems down to earth and easy to strike up conversations with. I guess that's why she has many regular customers who call her directly for her services, instead of calling the centre to make an appointment.

What's special about her is not only her massaging skills. She is sight impaired. In current less politically correct terms, she is blind, totally. But that does not stop her from living life, learning a skill appropriate for her condition, earning her keep and taking care of herself.

There are many others like AY who are partially or completely blind, young and old, who have learnt skills like massage, reflexology, basket weaving, etc from charitable organisations, help centres and associations like the Malaysian Association for the Blind. I applaud these places for helping these people get on with life. I applaud people like AY who have the courage and desire to get on with life despite what life has thrown at them.

AY was not born blind. She told me that her sight slowly deteriorated and was discovered only when she started going to school. She went to a Chinese school and those days, she used to get beaten for not writing the Mandarin characters correctly, missing out certain strokes etc. Little did she or the teacher know that she had trouble seeing. It was only when the teacher decided to write the words much larger for her to scrutinise the strokes that they discovered her eyesight problem.

She related her story as if it was just a story, without much emotion. She sounded positive, saying that at least she had known what being able to see felt like.

Over the years, she had undergone numerous surgeries. She had to, according to her, as she could not live life seeing double or triple of everything in front of her, getting headaches all the time.

But after one final operation, she went blind completely. At first, she felt disappointed and sad but according to her, time healed. A friend had asked if she was prepared for the possibility of going blind and she said it did cross her mind. With support from friends (not so much family, according to her) and given time, she managed to pick up the pieces and move on.

It appears to me she has adjusted well to life in darkness, walking around with her cane, knowing where to go and using her other senses to 'see'. She even laughed when she told me how she kept falling into drains when she was newly blind. She said she kept forgetting that she could not see and went walking about as if she could.

In the one hour I spent with her in a dimly-lit room, where she was pretty adept at loosening some knots and tightness (albeit causing some pain!) around my neck and shoulder area, I was reminded not to take everything we have for granted. It was my first time meeting her as I had not been to that place for quite some time. It was a meeting made in heaven, like for everything that happens in life the way I see it.Coincidentally, an 'uncle' in his 70s, said "marriages are made in heaven", when we were waiting at school a few hours after my encounter with AY.

We need to be good stewards of what the One above, whatever name we choose to call Him - Lord, God, Jesus, Buddha, Al*ah (or I can't use this word now?? Sigh...)- has blessed us with.

And we need to treat everyone with love and respect, regardless whether they are blind, handicapped, rich, poor, young, old, differ in views or opinions.

That's my 2 cents' worth for today. I paid RM40 for one hour with AY but the 2 cents I got in return is pretty valuable.

Man trapped in 23-year 'coma' reveals horror of being unable to tell doctors he was conscious

When I read this, I didn't know what to feel...or think.
Here's a commentary about the case.

The field of medicine has come so far in this day and age and yet, there are still cases beyond help, cures that have yet to be found, and mysteries to uncover when it comes to the 'less than perfect' conditions of our human body -- the condition referred to as 'sickness', 'illness', 'disease', 'suffering', 'pain', 'epidemic', 'pandemic'....

School traffic headache

The first week of school came and went with little fanfare except for the horrendous traffic jam around the school area due to the many anxious parents of Year 1 pupils hanging around and parking everywhere. They have yet to familiarise themselves with the 'special' traffic system set up by the school and residents of the housing area where the school is situated. To make things worse, this housing area is an old one, with narrow roads and bungalow houses on both sides of the steep slope. Imagine trying to manoeuvre your car downhill or uphill squeezing between cars parked on both sides of the road.

Or even more challenging, parking your car on the steep slope bumper to bumper with other cars or trying to get out of the slope when your car is squeezed bumper to bumper between two cars....or worse than worst, not being able to find any parking and being forced to queue from the bottom of the hill, inching your way to the school entrance, waiting for your turn to arrive at the gate for the teacher on duty to notice the placard on your dashboard displaying your child's name, hollering out the name via a hailer for your kid to climb into the car....

Top that with the 'exemplary' attitudes of Malaysian drivers and kiasu parents who want to be first in line, cut queue or get the choice parking spot to be the quickest in getting their kid out of school during dismissal. Major stress and headache.

Today, the first day of the second week, the traffic doesn't seem too bad, almost back to normal. I hope it'll be better in the weeks to come once new parents, kiasu parents, and Malaysian-style driving find an equilibrium somehow.